Watch the Shouldy Show, Part 2, on Sunday!

Watch the Shouldy Show, Part 2, on Sunday!

Watch the David and Jill FB Show
this Sunday, July 29th, 2018, 3 PM Pacific Time

I hope you can join Dr. Jill Levitt and me live this Sunday for Part 2 of our Shouldy Show! The response to Part 1 last Sunday was outstanding, and I hope you can join us again. If you attend live, you can ask questions and be a part of the show. However, all the shows are recorded so you can tune in anytime on my Public FB page!

Dr. Levitt is Director of Clinical Training at the Feeling Good institute in Mt. View, California. She is a co-director of my weekly psychotherapy training group at Stanford, and is absolutely superb. In addition, when we work together, the chemistry can be pure magic. The photo below was at our recent Sunday workshop on Advanced TEAM-CBT techniques.

Jill and david 2

On the show on Sunday, Jill and I will illustrate several powerful techniques for zapping your Should Statements, including those you direct against yourself as well as those you direct against other people you feel annoyed with.

Here’s the agenda Sunday:

Outline for the Shouldy Show, Part 2*

 with David and Jill 

  1. Brief summary of last week’s FB Show (Part 1 on Shoulds) and goals for today’s show
  1. Typical Self-Directed Should Statements (with interactions with our live audience)
  • I should be a better mother (or father, or therapist, etc).
  • I should not judge people who make racist, sexist, or gay-bashing comments. I should try to have empathy for them. I should not dislike them.
  • I should be the best at everything I do,
  • I shouldn’t make mistakes.
  • I shouldn’t need help for my anxiety.
  • I should be a perfect mother.
  • I should never snap at my children.
  • I should find time to exercise.
  • I should not be so shy!
  • I shouldn’t be ashamed of my son.
  • I should have known my patient was feeling suicidal / homicidal.

What are yours?

  1. Typical Other-Directed Should Statements (with interactions with our live audience)
  • That driver shouldn’t cut in front of me in line!
  • People should be more tolerant!
  • People shouldn’t be so stupid!
  • People shouldn’t support this (or that) political candidate. They should see what a loser she (or he) is.
  • So and so shouldn’t complain all the time!
  • My patient should do his (or her) psychotherapy homework.
  • My patient shouldn’t be so resistant, oppositional, and irrational!
  • My husband (wife, partner, etc.) shouldn’t be so critical / stubborn / demanding.

What are yours?

  1. Techniques to defeat Self- Directed Shoulds and Other-Directed Shoulds (with role-play demonstrations between David and Jill)
  • Identify the Distortions (since the thought will have many distortions)
  • Positive Reframing
  • Semantic Method
  • Externalization of Voices / Acceptance Paradox
  • Paradoxical Cost-Benefit Analysis
  • Examine the Evidence (Ellis)
  • Double Standard Technique
  1. Q and A
  1. Announcements:
  • Upcoming Intensive
  • New schedule for FB Show with next date announced

* Copyright © 2018 by David D. Burns, MD

* * *

Coming in San Francisco in early August

High Speed, Drug Free Treatment of Depression and Anxiety Disorders–
A Four-Day TEAM-CBT Advanced Intensive

August 6 – 9, 2018, South San Francisco Conference Center, California
For more information, click here
or contact http://www.iahb.org/
phone: 800-258-8411

If you can only attend one of my workshops, consider this one! The intensives are

THE BEST!

Register right away if you want to get in on the action!

Hope to see you in San Francisco!

Tune in to the Shouldy Show with David and Jill on Sunday!

Tune in to the Shouldy Show with David and Jill on Sunday!

Watch the David and Jill Facebook Show
this Sunday, July 22nd, 2018, 3 PM Pacific Time

IMG_0892 (002)

 

I hope you can join Dr. Levitt and myself live on Sunday for our Shouldy Show! We will show you how to combat Should Statements directed at yourself and others. Should Statements are probably the “stickiest” of all ten cognitive distortions, and great teachers for the past 2,500 years have tried to help humans free themselves from the “tyranny of the shoulds.” Jill and I will discuss the damage from Shoulds and how to defeat them!

I’m attaching the outline of the show, so click here and take a look if you want a little preview!

If you attend live, you can ask questions and be a part of the show. However, all the shows are recorded so you can tune in anytime on my Public FB page!

* * *

Coming in San Francisco a week from Monday!

High Speed, Drug Free Treatment of Depression and Anxiety Disorders–
A Four-Day TEAM-CBT Advanced Intensive

August 6 – 9, 2018, South San Francisco Conference Center, California
For more information, click here
or contact http://www.iahb.org/
phone: 800-258-8411

If you can only attend one of my workshops, consider an intensive!
They are THE BEST!

Register right away if you want to get in on the action!

Hope to see you soon in San Francisco!

 

Watch the Shouldy Show, Part 1, on Sunday!

Watch the Shouldy Show, Part 1, on Sunday!

Watch the David and Jill Facebook Show
this Sunday, July 22nd, 2018, 3 PM Pacific Time

Here’s the email I received that triggered Sunday’s FB Live Show:

Dear Dr. Burns,

Would you please consider doing a detailed podcast where you show how to crush “should statements” about oneself and others?  I have found your books, articles, and podcasts so incredibly informative, moving, and empowering.  I am so grateful for the work you and Fabrice Nye have done on the podcasts and look forward to more.

The “Shouldy Approach to Life” is one that has not yet been dealt with as much as I’d hoped.  I do not mean extreme prejudice and religious zealotry.  I mean Should Statements that sound innocent and upstanding like taking a responsible and bravely conscious approach to one’s life by improving one’s health, relationships, the environment, and/or being a positive, loving role model for one’s children.

Sounds great, doesn’t it?

 But it isn’t. For me, I don’t believe moral superiority is the only motivator.  I am often shocked, disappointed, and/or left feeling alienated and sad by what I consider unacceptable or irresponsible behavior—mine and others.

For example, I find myself strongly disliking people who are known to make racist, sexist, or gay-bashing comments. However, I tell myself I should try to have empathy for them.  In the end, any empathy cannot withstand my repulsion, so I have essentially “shoulded” both them and myself.

I find myself fighting the urge to dislike a person and often wind up pitying them.  What does that accomplish?

I can guess that Paradoxical Agenda Setting could play a huge role in addressing this issue, but I feel lost in my attempts to dispel the distorted statements. Thanks so much for any consideration you might give.

Sincerely, J

Thanks J! Great question. We all get hooked by Should Statements.

I hope you can join Dr. Levitt and myself live on Sunday for the Should Show, Part 1! (We may need to consecutive shows to get through our agenda for the show.) If you attend live, you can ask questions and be a part of the show. However, all the shows are recorded so you can tune in anytime on my Public FB page!

* * *

Coming in San Francisco in August

High Speed, Drug Free Treatment of Depression and Anxiety Disorders–
A Four-Day TEAM-CBT Advanced Intensive

August 6 – 9, 2018, South San Francisco Conference Center, California
For more information, click here
or contact http://www.iahb.org/
phone: 800-258-8411

If you can only attend one of my workshops, consider an intensive! They are

THE BEST!

Register right away if you want to get in on the action!

Hope to see you in Whistler in July or San Francisco in August!

 

The Shouldy Approach to Life–How to Crush Should Statements

The Shouldy Approach to Life–How to Crush Should Statements

Watch the David and Jill Facebook Show
this Sunday, July 22nd, 2018, 3 PM Pacific Time

Do you ever tell yourself,

  • I shouldn’t have made that mistake, or
  • I should be better than I am, or
  • I shouldn’t be so screwed up.

These self-directed Should Statements are responsible for a great deal of human misery. They trigger feelings of depression, anxiety, shame, inferiority,and hopelessness.

Other-directed Should Statements are also responsible for a great deal of human misery of a different kind. They can trigger feelings of anger, frustration, resentment and conflict with family members, friends, colleagues, and even strangers. They are also responsible for a great deal of violence and hatred between ethnic groups, religions, and nations.

Do any of the following other–directed Should Statements sound familiar?

  • You shouldn’t feel that way!
  • You shouldn’t be like that!
  • You’ve got no right to say that!
  • I’m right and you’re wrong!
  • This is all your fault!
  • What’s wrong with you! Any normal or sane person wouldn’t support X (X = this or that religion, cause or political candidate.)

Philosophers like Epictetus, spiritual teachers like the Buddha, and mental health professionals like Drs. Karen Horney and Albert Ellis, have emphasized the “tyranny of the Shoulds.” They’ve shown us how these seductive Should Statements can rob us of self-esteem, joy, and loving relationships with others. And yet, they can be incredibly difficult to smash, defeat or let go of.

Is there such a thing as healthy Should Statements? After all, Moses and his Ten Commandments are at the heart of the Jewish and Christian faiths. “Thou shalt not kill” is a Should Statement. Are we supposed to give up on our moral and religious shoulds?

And in addition, we know that we Should not drive down the freeway at 90 miles an hour, or we’ll get arrested.

And we also know that if we drop a pen, it will fall. It SHOULD fall because it has to obey the laws of nature.

  • So, what’s the difference between healthy and unhealthy Should Statements?
  • And how can we defeat the unhealthy and addictive Shoulds that make us miserable?

Tune in Sunday as Dr. Jill Levitt and i will discuss the “Shouldy” approach to life. We;ll give you some tips on how to free yourself from your he tyranny of your own Should Statements.

If you attend live, you can ask questions and be a part of the show. However, all the shows are recorded so you can tune in anytime on my Public FB page!

* * *

Coming in San Francisco in August

High Speed, Drug Free Treatment of Depression and Anxiety Disorders–
A Four-Day TEAM-CBT Advanced Intensive

August 6 – 9, 2018, South San Francisco Conference Center, California
For more information, click here
or contact http://www.iahb.org/
phone: 800-258-8411

If you can only attend one of my workshops, consider an intensive! They are

THE BEST!

Register right away if you want to get in on the action!

Hope to see you in Whistler in July or San Francisco in August!

 

Report on the Whistler Intensive / More Training Opportunities for You!*

Report on the Whistler Intensive / More Training Opportunities for You!*

Hi everybody,

last week’s psychotherapy training intensive in Whistler, Canada was just awesome. Oops, Lisa Kelley has urged me not to go over the top with language, so let me say it was arguably a bit above average. In fact, the ratings for all four days were the highest I’ve received–by a big margin, actually–in the last 25 years or more of doing workshops. I was thrilled and grateful to have such a warm and responsive group.

My dear colleague, Jack Hirose, who organized the conference, said the ratings were the highest he has seen in the many hundreds of workshops that he has sponsored in Canada with a variety of speakers. I was grateful for the skillful help of my dear colleague, Mike Christensen, who attended and assisted greatly with the teaching. He was also my co-therapist in the live demonstration on the morning of the second day of the conference with an audience volunteer who had experienced severe trauma and abuse.

The session was riveting. We were fortunate to have it filmed in gorgeous ultra-high definition video, and I hope to make it available to you as part of a training program before long.

If you would like to attend a similar conference, consider the upcoming San Francisco intensive in a few weeks. I will try my hardest to make it a little above average, too!

My San Francisco summer intensive is always one of my BEST training programs of the year because the group is quite small. This gives you lots of chances for Q and A and personal connection with me, plus lots of chances for networking with your colleagues. In addition, many individuals from my Tuesday group at Stanford will join me to provide feedback for you during the small group exercises.

Here are the specifics:

Coming in San Francisco in August

High Speed, Drug Free Treatment of Depression and Anxiety Disorders–
A Four-Day TEAM-CBT Advanced Intensive

August 6 – 9, 2018, South San Francisco Conference Center, California
For more information, click here
or contact http://www.iahb.org/
phone: 800-258-8411

If you can only attend one of my workshops, consider this intensive! it is simplly

THE BEST!

Seating is limited. Register now  if you want to get in on the action!

Hope to see you in San Francisco in August! David

 * * *

Also coming up soon on my Sunday FB Live Broadcasts

Sunday, July 15th, 2018, at 3 PM: The Disarming Technique–Taking a Deeper Dive, with special guest, Mike Christensen

Sunday, July 22nd, 2018, at 3 PM: The Shouldy Approach to Life–How to Crush Should Statements, with special guest, Jill Levitt, PhD

If you attend live, you can ask questions and be a part of the show. However, they are all recorded so you can tune in anytime on my Public FB page!

Attention: Mike and I need your help for the program this coming Sunday, July 15th. We are going to show you how to put the lie to any criticism by agreeing with the criticism. This is called the Disarming Technique, one of the Five Secrets of Effective Communication. But to bring the show to life in a personal way, we need you to provide challenging criticisms you may have heard from angry clients, or from friends, family, or colleagues.

No one has emailed me with any good criticisms yet. This is your chance for individual feedback from us!

People often complain along these lines: “But how can you agree with a criticism that simply isn’t true?” Well, we’ll show you! But you need to send us examples of criticisms you have received that “simply aren’t true!”

Thanks!