Watch the David and Jill Facebook Show
this Sunday, July 22nd, 2018, 3 PM Pacific Time
Here’s the email I received that triggered Sunday’s FB Live Show:
Dear Dr. Burns,
Would you please consider doing a detailed podcast where you show how to crush “should statements” about oneself and others? I have found your books, articles, and podcasts so incredibly informative, moving, and empowering. I am so grateful for the work you and Fabrice Nye have done on the podcasts and look forward to more.
The “Shouldy Approach to Life” is one that has not yet been dealt with as much as I’d hoped. I do not mean extreme prejudice and religious zealotry. I mean Should Statements that sound innocent and upstanding like taking a responsible and bravely conscious approach to one’s life by improving one’s health, relationships, the environment, and/or being a positive, loving role model for one’s children.
Sounds great, doesn’t it?
But it isn’t. For me, I don’t believe moral superiority is the only motivator. I am often shocked, disappointed, and/or left feeling alienated and sad by what I consider unacceptable or irresponsible behavior—mine and others.
For example, I find myself strongly disliking people who are known to make racist, sexist, or gay-bashing comments. However, I tell myself I should try to have empathy for them. In the end, any empathy cannot withstand my repulsion, so I have essentially “shoulded” both them and myself.
I find myself fighting the urge to dislike a person and often wind up pitying them. What does that accomplish?
I can guess that Paradoxical Agenda Setting could play a huge role in addressing this issue, but I feel lost in my attempts to dispel the distorted statements. Thanks so much for any consideration you might give.
Thanks J! Great question. We all get hooked by Should Statements.
I hope you can join Dr. Levitt and myself live on Sunday for the Should Show, Part 1! (We may need to consecutive shows to get through our agenda for the show.) If you attend live, you can ask questions and be a part of the show. However, all the shows are recorded so you can tune in anytime on my Public FB page!
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Coming in San Francisco in August
High Speed, Drug Free Treatment of Depression and Anxiety Disorders–
A Four-Day TEAM-CBT Advanced Intensive
August 6 – 9, 2018, South San Francisco Conference Center, California
For more information, click here
or contact http://www.iahb.org/
If you can only attend one of my workshops, consider an intensive! They are
Register right away if you want to get in on the action!
Hope to see you in Whistler in July or San Francisco in August!