144: Ask David–Relationships, Relationships, Relationships!

144: Ask David–Relationships, Relationships, Relationships!

 

My wife claims that I never listen! How can I possibly agree with her? 

My wife left me! How can I correct the distortions in her criticisms?

How can you deal with people who constantly wallow in self-pity?

And more!

Hi podcast fans,

Today we’ve got some terrific Five Secrets questions that you have submitted.

  1. Mike #1: I love your Five Secrets of Effective Communication. Why does secret #4, “I Feel” Statements, not include Thought Empathy?
  2. Mike #2: I have seen communication models that include expressing and listening for needs. Aren’t needs and wants important and important to express?
  3. Al: How can I help my wife recognize her many cognitive distortions, like All-or-Nothing Thinking? It seems hopeless!
  4. Guy: If a loved one says, “You never listen,” how could I possibly find the truth in this statement? How could you genuinely agree with an All-or-Nothing statement such as, “You never ….”?
  5. Both Sonja and Eileen asked: How can you deal with someone who constantly wallows in self-pity and plays the role of victim. It’s exhausting!

Thanks for tuning in, and keep the great questions coming!

David and Rhonda

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You can reach Dr. Burns at david@feelinggood.com. Dr. Rhonda Barovsky practices in Walnut Creek, California, and can be reached at rbarovsky@aol.com.

If you like our jingle music and would like to support the composer Brett Van Donsel, you may download it here

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There will be three awesome intensives
for you this summer and fall!

 

July 15 – 18, 2019
Calgary, Canada four-day intensive
Sponsored by Jack Hirose & Assoc.

 

July 29 – August 1, 2019
South San Francisco four-day intensive
Sponsored by Praxis

 

November 4 – 7, 2019
Atlanta, Georgia four-day intensive
Sponsored by Praxis

 

126: How To Communicate with Someone Who Refuses to Talk to You!

126: How To Communicate with Someone Who Refuses to Talk to You!

Advanced Communication Techniques

We’ve had many podcasts on the Five Secrets of Effective Communication, and we’ve featured these powerful techniques in the live sessions with Lee (sessions #96 to #98)), a man who was upset because his wife was constantly criticizing him and trying to control him.

Here are the links to the first two podcasts on the Five Secrets (14 and 15). For more practice you can listen to podcasts 54 – 57 and 65 – 69.

Learning to use the Five Secrets skillfully requires strong motivation and lots of practice, but the benefits can be tremendous. The Five Secrets have transformed my clinical work as well as my personal and professional relationships. And they’ve also had a huge impact on my teaching.

But there are even more communication techniques that can be immensely helpful. In this podcast, we discuss three advanced techniques:

  1. Changing the Focus. This technique can be tremendously helpful when there’s an “elephant” in the room.
  2. Multiple Choice Empathy. This technique can be transformative when you’re trying to connect with a teenager, friend or loved one who refuses to talk to you.
  3. Positive Reframing. This technique can be invaluable when you’re fighting with a colleague, patient, friend or family member, and you’re both feeling frustrated, angry, and upset.

These techniques may look easy, but they are actually difficult to learn. They require humility, determination, and lots of practice. Success also depends on a strong desire to develop a more loving relationship with the person you’re not getting along with.

People who are serious about learning can read Feeling Good Together and do the written exercises while you read!

Thanks!

David

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Dr. Fabrice Nye currently practices in Redwood City, California and treats individuals throughout the world (but not across U.S. state lines) via teletherapy. You can reach him at fabrice@life.net. You can reach Dr. Burns at david@feelinggood.com. If you like our jingle music and would like to support the composer Brett Van Donsel, you may download it here.

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A COOL UPCOMING WORKSHOP FOR YOU

TEAM-CBT Methods for Anxiety Disorders–

Step-by-Step Training for Therapists

by David D. Burns, MD and Jill Levitt, PhD

jill-david

Dr. Jill Levitt and I are offering what I think will be an outstanding workshop on the treatment of anxiety disorders on Sunday, May 19, 2019. Our Sunday workshops are tremendously fun, so consider attending if you are interested. 

The last Sunday workshop in February sold out quickly so register soon if you are interested. You can join in Palo Alto in person or online from anywhere in the world.

THERE WILL BE MANY EXPERT TRAINERS TO GUIDE THE ONLINE PARTICIPANTS DURING THE SMALL GROUP EXERCISES

WHEN: May 19, 2019, 8:30 am – 4:30 pm PST
(11:30 am-7:30 pm EST)

WHERE: Join us live online or in person at the Creekside Inn, Palo Alto, CA.

HOW MUCH DOES IT COST? $135,

WILL I GET CE CREDITS? YES! 7 CE hours available

WILL I GET CREDIT IN THE TEAM LICENSURE PROGRAM? YES!
Completion of this workshop also counts towards TEAM-CBT Level 1, 2 or 3 Certification

WHO CAN ATTEND? Therapists of all levels are welcome

CAN I REGISTER IF I’M NOT A THERAPIST? Although the workshop is geared for therapists, it will be taught in a clear and basic way that anyone can benefit from.

WILL I HAVE FUN? Yes!

WILL I HAVE GET TO HANG OUT WITH SOME COOL COLLEAGUES? Yes!

WILL I GET AN AWESOME FREE BREAKFAST AND LUNCH? Yes!

You will love this lively, amusing, and immensely useful day of training with Drs. Burns, Levitt and the Feeling Good Institute Staff. The trainers will use a combination of didactic teaching, live demonstrations, video, and breakout group practice to enhance skill-building.

REGISTER / LEARN MORE

Act fast if you want to attend!

* * *

And there will be two awesome summer intensives for you this year!

THE INTENSIVES ARE ALMOST ALWAYS
THE BEST WORKSHOPS OF THE YEAR!

July 15 – 18, 2019
Calgary four-day intensive
Sponsored by Jack Hirose & Assoc.

 

July 29 – August 1, 2019
South San Francisco four-day intensive
Sponsored by Praxis

 

David and Jill Show Returns! Intimacy Training, Part 3!

David and Jill Show Returns! Intimacy Training, Part 3!

Sunday, July 1, 2018 at 3 PM PST.

The beloved and brilliant Dr. Jill Levitt will return this Sunday for Part 3 on Intimacy Training. You can join us live and participate in the dialogue or watch the recording anytime later on.

In our two previous FB Live broadcasts on Intimacy Training, Jill and I discussed how to receive criticism and how to give criticism.  This week, we will take a deeper dive into how to form warm, trusting relationships with others. We will address several questions from fans, including a man who asks about people who are prone to anxiety and afraid of confrontations, as well as a question from a woman who tends to get very self-critical when criticized. These are themes we can perhaps all identity with!

This will provide balance in our presentations on loving relationships. We’ve had three broadcasts on flirting and hustling with Angela Krumm, PhD and Kyle Jones, who were fabulous. These three broadcasts addressed the problem of how to flirt skillfully, how to find someone to date, and how to play the dating game to win–instead of getting rejected over and over.

This coming Sunday will be our third broadcast on the other side of the coin: once you’ve found someone to date, how do you develop meaningful, loving relationship with him or her? And how can we develop more satisfying relationships with friends and family members?

Mental health professionals, as well as our patients, and human beings in general, seem to have incredible difficulties resolving relationship conflicts. What can we do about this problem? Can it be solved? And if so, how?

If time permits, we will also address a question from a therapist who asked about the treatment of depression in a patient who does well and then gets episodically suicidal. What types of interventions should this therapist consider?

You can find our previous FB Live recordings, as well as the one this Sunday, on my public FB page.

David

* * *

Coming in Canada on Tuesday!

You still have time to register if you move fast!

Advanced Cognitive Behavioral Therapy:
A Four-Day Intensive Training in TEAM-CBT

July 3 – 6, 2018 Whistler, BC, Canada

For more information, contact Jack Hirose & Associates Inc.
Phone: 604.924.0296, Toll-free: 1.800.456.5424

* * *

Coming in San Francisco in August

High Speed, Drug Free Treatment of Depression and Anxiety Disorders–
A Four-Day TEAM-CBT Advanced Intensive

August 6 – 9, 2018, South San Francisco Conference Center, California
For more information, click here
or contact http://www.iahb.org/
phone: 800-258-8411

If you can only attend one of my workshops, consider an intensive! They are

THE BEST!

Register right away if you want to get in on the action!

Hope to see you in Whistler in July or San Francisco in August!

 

 

 

 

 

Intimacy Training, Part 1, on Mother’s Day!

Intimacy Training, Part 1, on Mother’s Day!

Happy Mother’s Day!

Watch the FB Live Broadcast
on Sunday, May 13th, 2018, at 3 PM (Pacific Time)–

Intimacy Training, Part 1: How to Handle Criticism

Hi all!

First, Happy Mother’s Day to all of our wonderful mothers! We love you and appreciate all that you do, both for your families, and also in your professional work as well! I hope you are pampered and loved on this Mother’s Day, and every day!

On this Mother’s Day, Jill, Mike and I will launch the first of several Facebook Sunday broadcasts on Intimacy Training. You will learn how to improve your relationships with family, friends, patients, colleagues and strangers, and also how to attract a mate if you are single and lonely.

How to Enhance Intimacy

The first show, on Mother’s Day, will focus on how to deal with criticism, using the Five Secrets of Effective Communication, especially the totally amazing Disarming Technique. We will demonstrate how to respond skillfully to the most extreme criticisms therapists might hear from angry, dissatisfied patients. We will also show you how you can respond skillfully to criticisms you might hear from friends or family members.

If you plan to attend live, you can type in a criticism you have had trouble responding to effectively, and we will demonstrate how to respond, using role-playing. But please limit the criticisms to one sentence, such as:

  • You never listen!
  • You don’t really care about me!
  • Why do you have to be SO controlling?
  • You always have to be right!
  • You’re a jerk!
  • You’re not helping me!
  • This is all your fault!

Future FB Broadcasts will focus on other common relationship problems, such as how to GIVE criticisms and express angry feelings constructively.

Your textbook for the broadcasts on enhancing intimacy will be my book, Feeling Good Together, which you can purchase at Amazon.com. Make sure you do the written exercises while you read!

How to Find Love

There’s another important aspect of Intimacy Training: How can you find someone to love in the first place? When I was in private practice, more than 50% of my patients were not involved in a loving relationship. Some had been divorced, and did not know how to get back into the dating scene, and others had never been comfortable or successful with the dating scene, and had never found someone to love.

We’ll cover the ins and outs of dating, with a focus on hustling, flirting and making connections, including topics such as:

  • how to deal with people who give you the run-around
  • how to avoid chasing and getting dumped
  • how to make people chase you
  • how to make the first “move” with someone you’re attracted to
  • how to flirt
  • how to handle rejection.

I will be joined by a number of guest experts on these broadcasts on how to play the dating game to win. They will include the incredible Kyle Jones, a doctoral student at Palo Alto University, and the amazing Angela Krumm, PhD, the director of the TEAM-CBT certification program at the Feeling Good Institute in Mt. View, California, as well as others.

Your textbook for these shows will be my book, Intimate Connections, which you can order at Amazon.com. Many people have approached me at workshops to say, “Dr. Burns, because of your book, Intimate Connections, I’m now married!” If you’re feeling lonely, this might just be the book for you!

So whether you are alone and looking for someone to date, or troubled by a conflict with someone you care about, we will have TONS of cool methods to share with you!

Hope to see you this Sunday!

PS There will be NO FB SHOW on May 20th, since that will be my full day workshop with Jill Levitt, PhD! See below!

David

Some Cool Upcoming Workshops

Coming next Sunday, May 20th! Act fast if you want to register!

May 20th, 2018  Advanced, High-Speed CBT for the Treatment of Depression and Anxiety A one day workshop by Drs. David Burns and Jill Levitt. 6 CE Credits, $135
You can join in person or online from wherever you live! Click here for registration information.

There are no spots left for the live workshop in Palo Alto, but we still have room for you to join us online. Mike Christensen and others will be available to help those who join online with the small group exercises in “virtual” rooms. In this workshop, you’ll have the chance to personal work, so you can boost your own feelings of confidence and self-esteem while at the same time learning tons of new tools that will greatly boost your clinical effectiveness!

Coming in June! One of my best two-day workshops ever!

“Scared Stiff: Fast, Effective Treatment for Anxiety Disorders”
a two-day workshop Sponsored by Jack Hirose & Associates
June 4 -5, 2018 Calgary, Canada
June 6 – 7, 2018 Winnipeg, Canada

Mike Christensen and several others will be joining me at both locations to help out with supervision of the small group exercises. You’ll LOVE this workshop and you’ll learn TONS of powerful techniques to treat every type of anxiety. You’ll learn how to heal your clients and your own feelings of insecurity and self-doubt as well! And I’ll do a live demonstration at each location, to add some drama, illumination, and inspiration. Should be exciting! Hope you can join us!

I greatly appreciate your support, and hope you will continue to spread the word about TEAM-CBT and www.feelinggood.com. i am trying hard to reach as many people as possible with my free programming and blogs designed to help individuals struggling with depression, anxiety, relationship conflicts, and habits and addictions, as well as the therapists who treat them!

David

Intimacy Training–David, Jill & Mike Start Exciting FB Live Series on Sunday!

Intimacy Training–David, Jill & Mike Start Exciting FB Live Series on Sunday!

Watch Jill, Mike and David on the FB Live Broadcast
on Sunday, May 13th, 2018, at 3 PM (Pacific Time) as they discuss–
Intimacy Training, Part 1: How to Handle Criticism

Hi all!

This Sunday, Mother’s Day, Jill, Mike and I will launch a new live Facebook series on Intimacy Training. This exciting series will include a number of topics on how to deepen loving relationships with family, friends, and colleagues. And the very first show will focus on how to transform criticism in closeness, using the Five Secrets of Effective Communication. If you have been criticized recently, attend live and you will be able to ask us to model how to respond more effectively!

But that’s not all! We will also have one or more FB Broadcasts on hustling, flirting and dating. I will have a number of guest experts, including (hopefully) the incredible Kyle Jones, a doctoral student at Palo Alto University, the amazing Angela Krumm, PhD, the director of the TEAM-CBT certification program at the Feeling Good Institute in Mt. View, California, and more experts in the dating game.

So whether you are lonely and looking for someone to date, or whether you are troubled by an existing but frustrating interaction with someone you care about, we will have TONS of cool things to share with you!

Hope to see you this Sunday!

PS There will be NO FB SHOW on May 20th, since that will be my full day workshop with Jill! See below!

David

Some Cool Upcoming Workshops

Coming in May! Act fast if you want to join us!

May 20th, 2018  Advanced, High-Speed CBT for the Treatment of Depression and Anxiety A one day workshop by Drs. David Burns and Jill Levitt. 6 CE Credits, $135
You can join in person or online from wherever you live! Click here for registration information.

There are no spots left for the live workshop in Palo Alto, but we still have room for you to join us online. Mike Christensen and others will be available to help those who join online with the small group exercises in “virtual” rooms. In this workshop, you’ll have the chance to personal work, so you can boost your own feelings of confidence and self-esteem while at the same time learning tons of new tools that will greatly boost your clinical effectiveness!

Coming in June! One of my best two-day workshops ever!

“Scared Stiff: Fast, Effective Treatment for Anxiety Disorders”
a two-day workshop Sponsored by Jack Hirose & Associates
June 4 -5, 2018 Calgary, Canada
June 6 – 7, 2018 Winnipeg, Canada

Mike Christensen and several others will be joining me at both locations to help out with supervision of the small group exercises. You’ll LOVE this workshop and you’ll learn TONS of powerful techniques to treat every type of anxiety. You’ll learn how to heal your clients and your own feelings of insecurity and self-doubt as well! And I’ll do a live demonstration at each location, to add some drama, illumination, and inspiration. Should be exciting! Hope you can join us!

I greatly appreciate your support, and hope you will continue to spread the word about TEAM-CBT and www.feelinggood.com. i am trying hard to reach as many people as possible with my free programming and blogs designed to help individuals struggling with depression, anxiety, relationship conflicts, and habits and addictions, as well as the therapists who treat them!

David

David and Jill Show #3 Sets Record!

David and Jill Show #3 Sets Record!

Watch the Third David and Jill Show on Intimacy Training!

Hi all!

The third David and Jill Show on Intimacy Training with guest Mike Christensen has set a new record of 1.6 thousand viewers in the first two days alone. You can still watch it!

David and Jill begin by reading a question from a viewer named Don who was having a conflict with his girlfriend. David, Jill, and Mike go review the five steps of the Relationship Journal and show how Don how he can transform his argument into a more open and loving dialogue using the Five Secrets of Effective Communication. During the show, Jill notices a live viewer who wrote, “I don’t like Jill” in the comment column. You will LOVE Jill’s masterful response, which illustrates the whole point of the show in real time. Then Mike describes how he bravely handled a painful criticism from his daughter who complained that he sounded phony.

Many people believe that the Relationship Journal is all about learning how to communicate more effectively, but it’s not. It’s really about the “Great Death” of the ego and how to develop interpersonal enlightenment. It’s a spiritual tool, which is exciting, but be careful–the death of the ego can be painful! Of course, the reward of greater trust and love is definitely worthwhile. The third David and Jill Show is definitely a “must see” show, and you can catch it any time that’s convenient for you.

Yesterday’s Feeling Good Podcast–live therapy with Daisy–also drew exceptionally well and was enthusiastically received. During the session, they address the question, “What’s the secret of a meaningful life?” Make sure you catch it if you have not listened yet!

Also, remember to register for the one-day David and Jill workshop on Sunday, May 20, 2018. It’s for mental health professionals. You’ll have a chance to learn the latest TEAM-CBT techniques and work on your own insecurities and feelings of self-doubt as well. We promise to bring roughly 60% of the audience into a state of joyous enlightenment, so don’t miss it!

David

Advanced, High-Speed TEAM-CBT for the Treatment of Depression and Anxiety:
A Workshop for Therapists with Drs. David Burns and Jill Levitt

 

Jill’s Journey

Jill’s Journey

Jill’s Journey from CBT to TEAM

Dear web visitors, friends, and colleagues,

You might enjoy this brief (six-minute) video from my dear colleague, Jill Levitt, PhD, who I teach with at my weekly Stanford psychotherapy training seminar, which is free to local mental health professionals. In the video that follows, Jill describes her personal journey from traditional CBT to TEAM-CBT.

 

Jill is a fabulous therapist because she combines masterful technical skills with great compassion and empathy. In addition, she is director of training at the Feeling Good Institute in Mt. View, California. She also offers weekly online training groups for therapists as well, so you can join from anywhere in the world. Check it out if you want to give your clinical skills a shot in the arm!

Some of you may remember Jill from the live therapy podcasts that she and I did with Mark in the spring of 2017 on the theme, “I’m a failure as a father.”  If you haven’t yet listened to those podcasts, you might find them compelling. The response from listeners was tremendous.

Perhaps that’s because so many of us, perhaps including you, sometimes feel that we’ve fallen short in our role as a father, mother, partner, teacher, or whatever. The session documents Mark’s extraordinary recovery / enlightenment occurring in real time in a single TEAM therapy session. You will witness decades of depression suddenly transformed into overwhelming joy.

If you want to see Jill and David in action, we will be doing a half-day and a full-day workshop on TEAM-CBT at the upcoming ABCT conference (Association for Behavioral and Cognitive Therapies) in San Diego in November, and we’d love to see you there. If you live in northern California, and you’re a licensed mental health professional or graduate student, you’d also be welcome to join our free Tuesday training group at Stanford.

Here are the particulars on our ABCT presentations, in case you want to join us!

ABCT Conference
(Annual Meeting of the Association for Behavioral and Cognitive Therapies)

November 16 – 17, 2017, San Diego

Jill and I will present two workshops on the latest developments in high-speed psychotherapy (TEAM-CBT) for depression and anxiety disorders. I LOVE teaching with Jill at our weekly psychotherapy training seminar at Stanford every Tuesday. She is a tremendous teacher and therapist, so these promise to be fun and highly educational presentations.

Thursday, November 16, 8:30 AM to 5:00 PM
Building a Better CBT-An introduction to the TEAM-CBT model (6 hours)

Friday, November 17, 3:00 PM to 6:00 PM
When Helping Doesn’t Help: Overcoming Therapeutic Resistance With TEAM-CBT (3 hours)

David

 

If you are reading this blog on social media, I appreciate it! I would like to invite you to visit my website, http://www.FeelingGood.com, as well. There you will find a wealth of free goodies, including my Feeling Good blogs, my Feeling Good Podcasts with host, Dr. Fabrice Nye, and the Ask Dr. David blogs as well, along with announcements of upcoming workshops, and tons of resources for mental health professionals as well as patients!

Once you link to my blog, you can sign up using the widget at the top of the column to the right of each page. Please forward my blogs to friends as well, especially anyone with an interest in mood problems, psychotherapy, or relationship conflicts.

Thanks! David