098: Live Session with Lee, Part 3: The Rebirth

098: Live Session with Lee, Part 3: The Rebirth

 

The last of 3 podcasts illustrating
the TEAM treatment model for a relationship conflict

With Drs. David Burns and Fabrice Nye, and special guest Dr. Jill Levitt,
Director of Training at the Feeling Good Institute in Mtn. View, California

In this final podcast featuring the TEAM therapy session with Lee, David and Jill do M = Methods, and show Lee how to respond to his wife more skillfully, using the Five Secrets of Effective Communication. Like everyone who is trying to learn the Five Secrets, Lee struggles with several blind spots:

  • “I Feel” Statements. Lee has tremendous difficulties sharing his feelings openly, in a respectful manner. He seems indoctrinated with the cultural idea that men should not be vulnerable and express feelings.
  • Lee makes the common error of “problem solving” instead of asking his wife to share more of her feelings.
  • Lee makes another common error of apologizing and using the trite phrase “I’m sorry” instead of encouraging his wife to open up. David discusses the different between dysfunctional and effective apologies.

David and Jill do lots of role-play practice with Lee and give him a homework assignment.

T = Testing. After the session is over, Lee completes the Brief Mood Survey again. His scores indicated that his feelings of  anxiety and anger have completely disappeared, and he also has a perfect score  Positive Feelings Survey and the Relationship Satisfaction Scale. He also gave David and Jill perfect scores on the Empathy and Helpfulness scales and wrote what he liked the best about the session:

“My epiphany came at the moment I realized I had been afraid of emasculating myself and realizing that my vision of what a “man” should be was completely inaccurate.”

At the end, Jill reads an emotional email from Lee describing how he relapsed and started arguing with his wife, and then remembered to empathize use the Five Secrets instead, with an amazing result!

Subscribe

Lee Davy is the creator and founder of “The Truth about Alcohol.” He offers free weekly webinars for people who need help and support with their drinking. Check it out!

Attend my 2018 Summer Intensive in San Francisco!

This year, I am again offering my annual SF summer intensive in August at the South San Francisco Conference Center. This four-day intensive is almost always my most exciting and rewarding workshop of the year.

Here are the details:

David’s TEAM-CBT Summer Intensive

August 6 – 9, 2018, South San Francisco Conference Center, California

For more information, click here, or call IAHB.org at 800-258-8411

Here are just a few of the really cool things about this intensive:

  • You will have the chance to practice techniques in small groups after I demonstrate each technique with a live demonstration in the front of the room.
  • You will get immediate feedback and personal grooming from me and from many of my colleagues from my weekly TEAM-CBT training group at Stanford. They’ll be there to help you, and I’ll be there to help you, too!
  • There will be a live demonstration on the evening of day 1. The amazing Dr. Jill Levitt will be my co-therapist. Last year’s live demonstration, and in fact all of them in recent years, have been jaw-dropping and incredibly inspirational!
  • You’ll get a chance to practice TEAM-CBT in real time the evening of day 3. This will be an incredibly challenging but rewarding “solo flight.”
  • You will be able to do your own personal work on the last day of the workshop using the Externalization of Voices and Acceptance Paradox. In previous workshops, at least 60% of the participants indicated they experienced jubilant enlightenment during this exercise. Their fears and insecurities suddenly vanished!
  • You’ll learn how to do Relapse Prevention Training (RPT).
  • You’ll learn how to improve your empathy skills.
  • You’ll learn tons of powerful cognitive, behavioral, and motivational treatment techniques for depression and all of the anxiety disorders.
  • You will have the abundant opportunities to schmooze with colleagues, network, and have fun.
  • You will have two fabulous free luncheon banquets featuring talks by Sunny Choi, LCSW, who is using TEAM-CBT successfully with an underserved population in primary care with limited resources and language skills (“I must apologize for my success.”), and the wonderful Vandana Aspen, PhD, who will speak on “New Treatment Strategies for Eating Disorders.”)
  • And much more.

If you can only attend one of my workshops this year, the South San Francisco August intensive is the one to attend!

 

Solution to David’s Tuesday Tips (#14)*

Solution to David’s Tuesday Tips (#14)*

Hi folks,

This was yesterday’s paradoxical tip of the day!

Sometimes, psychotherapy dovetails with religious teachings. What does this passage, from Romans 2:1 mean?

For whenever you blame another you condemn yourself.

Everyone who responded came up with great ideas and comments. Thanks!

Here’s my solution. Most of the time, when we have relationship conflicts, we tend to blame the other person and see ourselves as the victim of his or her bad behavior. My research, as well as my clinical and personal experience, has taught me that blame is the actual cause of the conflict.

The problem is NOT that the other person is to blame—the real problem is the fact that we are blaming them. And when you blame the other person, you really do condemn yourself because you will probably end up in hostility, resentment, and chronic conflict. And you are also fooling yourself because you do not “see” your own role in the conflict.

In the Interpersonal TEAM treatment model, I ask the person seeking help with a troubled relationship to identify one specific interaction in that did not go well. Then I ask my patient to write down one thing the other person said, and exactly what he or she said next. That’s all you need to understand the entire conflict, and all you really need to turn transform the hostility into warmth and trust—IF that’s what you want to do!

When we analyze the interaction, I can always show the person seeking help how he or she is triggering and reinforcing the very pattern he or she is complaining about. This is usually pretty painful and shocking for the patient, but it also empowers you to change the way you react to the other person so you can enjoy greater trust and intimacy.

If you’d like to observe this in an actual therapy session, I am currently publishing three podcasts with a live therapy session with a man who complained that his wife was overly critical and controlling. He was pretty convinced that she was like this because she had an overly controlling mother.

During the session, he was shocked to discover that he, and not his mother-in-law, was the cause of his wife’s frequent criticisms and efforts to control him. This was a very painful discovery, but it was also quite liberating.

Here is the link to the first of the three podcasts, in case you’d like to listen to them. My wonderful colleague, Dr. Jill Levitt, was my co-therapist. The session was quite rich and powerful and be worth an investment of your time.

I have to confess I am not a very religious individual, but I do believe that when we are doing our deepest and best work as psychotherapists, we are working not simply at a psychological level, but at a spiritual level as well.

Many of the most amazing insights about human nature and how to escape from suffering have been around for hundreds, if not thousands of years. But it seems like all of us have to learn these deep insights on a personal, experiential level before we can suddenly “grasp” them and experience our own enlightenment.

If you’d like to learn more about how to develop more satisfying and loving relationships, I would strongly recommend my book, Feeling Good Together. It’s for the general public, but it will also be helpful to therapists, since we all have relationship problems from time to time. At least, I know that I do! And I’m pretty sure that you do, too!

Hey, the San Francisco intensive is almost upon us. Have you considered attending? It’s usually pretty awesome. See the details below.

Use the Reply / Comment feature below to let us to know how you understand today’s tip.

Thanks!

David

* Copyright © 2018 by David D. Burns, MD.

* * *

Hey, folks, my San Francisco summer intensive will start in a few weeks. it is always one of my BEST training programs of the year. The group will be quite small, giving you lots of chances for Q and A and personal connection with me, plus networking with your colleagues. In addition, many individuals from my Tuesday group at Stanford will join me to provide feedback for you during the small group exercises.

Here are the specifics:

Coming in San Francisco in August

High Speed, Drug Free Treatment of Depression and Anxiety Disorders–
A Four-Day TEAM-CBT Advanced Intensive

August 6 – 9, 2018, South San Francisco Conference Center, California
For more information, click here
or contact http://www.iahb.org/
phone: 800-258-8411

If you can only attend one of my workshops, consider this intensive! it is simplly

THE BEST!

Seating is limited. Register now  if you want to get in on the action!

Hope to see you in San Francisco in August! David

 * * *

Also coming up soon on David’s Sunday FB Live Broadcasts

Sunday, July 22nd, 2018, at 3 PM: The Shouldy Approach to Life–How to Crush Should Statements, with special guest, Jill Levitt, PhD

If you attend live, you can ask questions and be a part of the show. However, they are all recorded so you can tune in anytime on my Public FB page!

Coming Soon: Dr. Burns’ Awesome Summer Intensive in San Francisco

Coming Soon: Dr. Burns’ Awesome Summer Intensive in San Francisco

Coming in August!

David’s Summer Intensive

TEAM-CBT for Depression and Anxiety Disorders

August 6 – 9, 2018 at the
South San Francisco Conference Center

For more information, click here, or call IBH.com at 800-258-8411

Here are just a few of the really cool things about this workshop:

  • Rapid Recovery for Depression and Anxiety Disorders. You’ll learn state-of-the-art cognitive, behavioral, and motivational treatment techniques for depression and all of the anxiety disorders.
  • Melt Away Resistance and Boost Patient Motivation. The innovative anti-resistance techniques that Dr. Burns has created now make incredibly rapid recovery a possibility for most patients, including individuals struggling with chronic depression and anxiety disorders.
  • Practice and Personal Feedback. You will have the chance to practice in small groups and get immediate feedback and personal grooming from Dr. Burns and his colleagues from his weekly training group at Stanford.
  • Live Demonstration. There will be a live demonstration of TEAM-CBT with an audience volunteer on the evening of day 1. Dr. Jill Levitt, who teaches with David at Stanford, will be David’s co-therapist. All of the live demonstrations in recent years have been jaw-dropping and inspirational!
  • Solo Flight. You’ll get a chance to practice TEAM-CBT in real time on day 3. This will be a challenging but rewarding “solo flight.”
  • Personal Work. You will be able to do your own personal work during the workshop.
  • Relapse Prevention Training (RPT). TEAM-CBT aims for rapid, dramatic, and lasting recovery.
  • Advanced Empathy Training. You’ll improve your empathy skills.
  • Fun and Schmoozing. You will have abundant opportunities to schmooze, network, and have fun.
  • TEAM-CBT Certification. Attending this workshop will make you eligible for Level 1 TEAM-CBT Certification by the Feeling Good institute in Mt. View, California.
  • Earn 32 CE/CME Credits. Please visit IBH.com for details.
  • Free lunches on days 1 and 3 with special presentations by Sunny Choi, who uses TEAM-CBT in a multi-cultural setting with individuals with limited resources, and Vandana Aspen, PhD, who will speak on new approaches to eating disorders.
  • And much more.

If you can only attend one of my workshops this year, the South San Francisco August intensive is the one to attend! I hope to see you there!

Register Now!

IMG_3468

David Burns, MD

 

 

David’s Tuesday Tips (#14)*

David’s Tuesday Tips (#14)*

Here’s your paradoxical tip of the day!

Sometimes, psychotherapy dovetails with religious teachings. What does this passage, from Romans 2:1 mean?

For whenever you blame another you condemn yourself.

Although this is from the New Testament, similar ideas have been expressed in all or nearly all religions, including Buddhism. But what does this passage actually mean, and how does it relate to the Interpersonal TEAM model that is currently featured in the Feeling Good Podcasts (the live session with Lee, Podcasts #96, #97, and #98.)

There are numerous areas of overlap between psychological and theological thinking. This is just one example!

Use the Reply / Comment feature below to let us to know how you understand today’s tip.

Thanks!

David

* Copyright © 2018 by David D. Burns, MD.

* * *

Hey, folks, my San Francisco summer intensive will start in a few weeks. it is always one of my BEST training programs of the year. The group will be quite small, giving you lots of chances for Q and A and personal connection with me, plus networking with your colleagues. In addition, many individuals from my Tuesday group at Stanford will join me to provide feedback for you during the small group exercises.

Here are the specifics:

Coming in San Francisco in August

High Speed, Drug Free Treatment of Depression and Anxiety Disorders–
A Four-Day TEAM-CBT Advanced Intensive

August 6 – 9, 2018, South San Francisco Conference Center, California
For more information, click here
or contact http://www.iahb.org/
phone: 800-258-8411

If you can only attend one of my workshops, consider this intensive! it is simplly

THE BEST!

Seating is limited. Register now  if you want to get in on the action!

Hope to see you in San Francisco in August! David

 * * *

Also coming up soon on David’s Sunday FB Live Broadcasts

Sunday, July 22nd, 2018, at 3 PM: The Shouldy Approach to Life–How to Crush Should Statements, with special guest, Jill Levitt, PhD

If you attend live, you can ask questions and be a part of the show. However, they are all recorded so you can tune in anytime on my Public FB page!

097: Live Session with Lee: The Death of the Ego

097: Live Session with Lee: The Death of the Ego

Part 2 of 3 podcasts illustrating the TEAM treatment model for a relationship conflict

With Drs. David Burns and Fabrice Nye, and special guest Dr. Jill Levitt,
Director of Training at the Feeling Good Institute in Mtn. View, California

Lee suddenly discovers the answer to his question:
Why is my wife so critical and controlling

David and Jill do A = (Paradoxical) Agenda Setting with Lee, starting with the Invitation: Jill asks Lee if he wants help with the relationship conflict, and if this would be a good time to roll up our sleeves and get to work. Lee indicates that he does want help.

They review the first two steps of his Relationship Journal, where Lee had recorded one specific thing his wife said to him, and exactly what he said next. Here’s what he wrote down:

Step 1 – She said: Write down exactly what the other person said. Be brief:

I was trying to convince my 18-month-old daughter to put her pajamas on. I was calm. Eventually, I raised my voice an octave or two and in a stern voice I told my daughter to put her pajamas on.

Afterwards, Liza said, “I don’t think you need to use that tone with a small child.”

Step 2 – I said: Write down exactly what you said next. Be brief:

I said, “I don’t think there was anything wrong with what I did. You can be stern without losing your shit*. There are times when she needs to know I am serious and not messing about anymore.”

It then devolved into a debate over a clash of values on how to raise our daughter.

* Transcribed as-is from Lee’s Relationship Journal.

Lee also circled all the emotions he thought she was having, along with all of the emotions he was having. He thought she was feeling:

  • Sad and unhappy
  • Anxious and worried
  • Rejected and alone
  • Discouraged, pessimistic, and despairing
  • Frustrated and stuck
  • Angry, annoyed, irritated and upset
  • Other feelings: troubled, defensive, dismayed, downhearted, and disconnected

Here’s how he was feeling:

  • Unhappy
  • Anxious and worried
  • Guilty, remorseful, bad and ashamed
  • Inferior, inadequate, defective and incompetent
  • Embarrassed, foolish and self-conscious
  • Hopeless, discouraged and despairing
  • Frustrated
  • Angry, mad, resentful, annoyed, irritated, upset and furious
  • Other feelings: hostile, loud, critical, agitated, defensive, stubborn, exasperated, sarcastic, powerless, diminished, low, resistant, confused, judgmental, vulnerable, inept

Step 3. Good vs. Bad Communication. When David and Jill ask Lee to examine his response to his wife, he had to admit that his response in Step 2 had all the characteristics of bad communication—he did not acknowledge any of her feelings, he did not share his own, and he did not convey love and respect. This was disturbing and surprising to Lee.

Step 4. Consequences. When David and Jill asked Lee to examine the impact of what he said to his wife, they suddenly ran into a wall of resistance, which is almost universal in relationship work. The Relationship Journal is an incredibly powerful tool, and it can be extremely painful because you have to stop blaming the other person and examine your own role in the relationship.

Lee suddenly and painfully discovered the answer to his question of why his wife was so controlling and critical of him—it was NOT because of the influence of her mother, but rather because he was forcing her to treat him like that almost every time he interacted with her.

This insight cannot be denied when you do the Relationship Journal, and it’s potentially incredibly empowering, but it can be incredibly painful at the same time.

You will also hear a masterful and paradoxical response by Dr. Levitt when Lee resists—and as a result, his resistance suddenly disappears, and he jumps on board! 

Subscribe

Lee Davy is the creator and founder of “The Truth about Alcohol.” He offers free weekly webinars for people who need help and support with their drinking. Check it out!

Attend my 2018 Summer Intensive in San Francisco!

This year, I am again offering my annual SF summer intensive in August at the South San Francisco Conference Center. This four-day intensive is almost always my most exciting and rewarding workshop of the year.

Here are the details:

David’s TEAM-CBT Summer Intensive

August 6 – 9, 2018, South San Francisco Conference Center, California

For more information, click here, or call IAHB.org at 800-258-8411

Here are just a few of the really cool things about this intensive:

  • You will have the chance to practice techniques in small groups after I demonstrate each technique with a live demonstration in the front of the room.
  • You will get immediate feedback and personal grooming from me and from many of my colleagues from my weekly TEAM-CBT training group at Stanford. They’ll be there to help you, and I’ll be there to help you, too!
  • There will be a live demonstration on the evening of day 1. The amazing Dr. Jill Levitt will be my co-therapist. Last year’s live demonstration, and in fact all of them in recent years, have been jaw-dropping and incredibly inspirational!
  • You’ll get a chance to practice TEAM-CBT in real time the evening of day 3. This will be an incredibly challenging but rewarding “solo flight.”
  • You will be able to do your own personal work on the last day of the workshop using the Externalization of Voices and Acceptance Paradox. In previous workshops, at least 60% of the participants indicated they experienced jubilant enlightenment during this exercise. Their fears and insecurities suddenly vanished!
  • You’ll learn how to do Relapse Prevention Training (RPT).
  • You’ll learn how to improve your empathy skills.
  • You’ll learn tons of powerful cognitive, behavioral, and motivational treatment techniques for depression and all of the anxiety disorders.
  • You will have the abundant opportunities to schmooze with colleagues, network, and have fun.
  • You will have two fabulous free luncheon banquets featuring talks by Sunny Choi, LCSW, who is using TEAM-CBT successfully with an underserved population in primary care with limited resources and language skills (“I must apologize for my success.”), and the wonderful Vandana Aspen, PhD, who will speak on “New Treatment Strategies for Eating Disorders.”)
  • And much more.

If you can only attend one of my workshops this year, the South San Francisco August intensive is the one to attend!

 

Solution to David’s Tuesday Tip #13*

Solution to David’s Tuesday Tip #13*

This was yesterday’s paradoxical tip of the day!

Some people think that therapy consists of codependent schmoozing behind
closed doors, with the occasional bit of “advice” or “tell me more” thrown in.
Are they right?

Hi everybody,

I am trying, perhaps without complete success, to say this politely, without enraging anybody too much . . . . but

I am sad to say that I think this Tuesday comment is somewhat correct. Many therapists just talk with patients for months or years without much change, often without specific goals, and without measuring anything from session to session to document change, or the lack of change. When I was a psychiatric resident, this type of treatment actually had a name. It was called “supportive emotive therapy.” The patient talks, the therapist listens and provides support, and encourages the outpouring of emotion at times.

Some experts claim that this type of therapy provides a “corrective emotional experience.” The idea is that the relationship with the therapist will correct some shortcoming or void in the patient because of his or her childhood and lack of support and nurture while growing up.

I’m not convinced this non-directive approach corrects much, if anything. In addition, while I know I have lots of helpful techniques to offer, and some reasonably good empathy, I’m not convinced that a relationship with me will ever correct much of anything, to be honest! I’m quite surprised, actually, that so many individuals–colleagues, clients, and students–are even willing to put up with me.

I can be, to be honest, kind of annoying and difficult at times. I don’t see myself as a “corrective emotional experience” much of the time!

I favor therapy that works rapidly, with specific goals and changes that can be documented by assessments of the patient’s feelings at the start and end of every session. This includes testing feelings of depression, suicidal urges, anxiety, and anger,as well as the patient’s feelings of satisfaction with his or her spouse or partner. The assessment of the therapist’s empathy and helpfulness by the patient after every session is also invaluable and, to my way of thinking, mandatory.

While skillful listening will always be an important part of therapy, it will rarely or never be sufficient to help a patient recover from severe depression, or any anxiety disorder, or a troubled marriage, or a habit or addiction. Much more is required, including specific techniques to help the patient change his or her life, as well as resistance-melting techniques to boost the patient’s motivation and collaboration.

Patient homework between sessions will also be a must, in my opinion. You cannot, for the most part, change your life or learn new skills without practice, any more than you could learn tennis or how to play the piano without practice between lessons with your coach or teacher.

All human beings are corruptible, and we all have a kind of inherently lazy streak. So if a therapist has a full-fee private patient, and the patient just wants to schmooze and vent every week for months or years, without being accountable and without doing psychotherapy homework, the therapist will have a guaranteed income and an easy job, since there isn’t a whole lot the therapist has to learn in order to provide this type of non-specific talk therapy, or if you prefer, “non-treatment.”

I apologize deeply if my skeptical / cynical streak is showing, but I sincerely believe our field is in need of reform, and I am saddened and sometimes frustrated, even angered, by the overall poor skill level among mental health professionals.

On the positive side, last week’s intensive in Whistler, Canada was just awesome. Oops, Lisa Kelley has urged me not to go over the top with language, so let me say it was a bit above average. In fact, the ratings for all four days were the highest I’ve received–by a big margin, actually–in the last 25 years or more of doing workshops. I was thrilled and grateful to have such a warm and responsive group.

My dear colleague, Jack Hirose, who organized the conference, said the ratings were also the highest he has seen in the many hundreds of workshops he has sponsored in Canada. I was helped by my dear colleague, Mike Christensen, who attended and assisted with the teaching. Mike was also my co-therapist in the live demonstration with an audience volunteer who had experienced severe trauma and abuse.

Working with her was an inspiring and riveting experience. We were fortunate to due a high definition video of the session, and I hope it will be available for some type of teaching program for you.

If you would like to attend a similar conference, consider my upcoming San Francisco intensive in a few weeks. I will try my hardest to make it a little above average, too! See the details below.

Thanks!

David

* Copyright © 2018 by David D. Burns, MD.

 * * *

Hey, folks, my San Francisco summer intensive will start in a few weeks. it is always one of my BEST training programs of the year. The group will be quite small, giving you lots of chances for Q and A and personal connection with me, plus networking with your colleagues. In addition, many individuals from my Tuesday group at Stanford will join me to provide feedback for you during the small group exercises.

Here are the specifics:

Coming in San Francisco in August

High Speed, Drug Free Treatment of Depression and Anxiety Disorders–
A Four-Day TEAM-CBT Advanced Intensive

August 6 – 9, 2018, South San Francisco Conference Center, California
For more information, click here
or contact http://www.iahb.org/
phone: 800-258-8411

If you can only attend one of my workshops, consider this intensive! it is simplly

THE BEST!

Seating is limited. Register now  if you want to get in on the action!

Hope to see you in San Francisco in August! David

 * * *

Also coming up soon on David’s Sunday FB Live Broadcasts

Sunday, July 15th, 2018, at 3 PM: The Disarming Technique–Taking a Deeper Dive, with special guest, Mike Christensen

Sunday, July 22nd, 2018, at 3 PM: The Shouldy Approach to Life–How to Crush Should Statements, with special guest, Jill Levitt, PhD

If you attend live, you can ask questions and be a part of the show. However, they are all recorded so you can tune in anytime on my Public FB page!

Report on the Whistler Intensive / More Training Opportunities for You!*

Report on the Whistler Intensive / More Training Opportunities for You!*

Hi everybody,

last week’s psychotherapy training intensive in Whistler, Canada was just awesome. Oops, Lisa Kelley has urged me not to go over the top with language, so let me say it was arguably a bit above average. In fact, the ratings for all four days were the highest I’ve received–by a big margin, actually–in the last 25 years or more of doing workshops. I was thrilled and grateful to have such a warm and responsive group.

My dear colleague, Jack Hirose, who organized the conference, said the ratings were the highest he has seen in the many hundreds of workshops that he has sponsored in Canada with a variety of speakers. I was grateful for the skillful help of my dear colleague, Mike Christensen, who attended and assisted greatly with the teaching. He was also my co-therapist in the live demonstration on the morning of the second day of the conference with an audience volunteer who had experienced severe trauma and abuse.

The session was riveting. We were fortunate to have it filmed in gorgeous ultra-high definition video, and I hope to make it available to you as part of a training program before long.

If you would like to attend a similar conference, consider the upcoming San Francisco intensive in a few weeks. I will try my hardest to make it a little above average, too!

My San Francisco summer intensive is always one of my BEST training programs of the year because the group is quite small. This gives you lots of chances for Q and A and personal connection with me, plus lots of chances for networking with your colleagues. In addition, many individuals from my Tuesday group at Stanford will join me to provide feedback for you during the small group exercises.

Here are the specifics:

Coming in San Francisco in August

High Speed, Drug Free Treatment of Depression and Anxiety Disorders–
A Four-Day TEAM-CBT Advanced Intensive

August 6 – 9, 2018, South San Francisco Conference Center, California
For more information, click here
or contact http://www.iahb.org/
phone: 800-258-8411

If you can only attend one of my workshops, consider this intensive! it is simplly

THE BEST!

Seating is limited. Register now  if you want to get in on the action!

Hope to see you in San Francisco in August! David

 * * *

Also coming up soon on my Sunday FB Live Broadcasts

Sunday, July 15th, 2018, at 3 PM: The Disarming Technique–Taking a Deeper Dive, with special guest, Mike Christensen

Sunday, July 22nd, 2018, at 3 PM: The Shouldy Approach to Life–How to Crush Should Statements, with special guest, Jill Levitt, PhD

If you attend live, you can ask questions and be a part of the show. However, they are all recorded so you can tune in anytime on my Public FB page!

Attention: Mike and I need your help for the program this coming Sunday, July 15th. We are going to show you how to put the lie to any criticism by agreeing with the criticism. This is called the Disarming Technique, one of the Five Secrets of Effective Communication. But to bring the show to life in a personal way, we need you to provide challenging criticisms you may have heard from angry clients, or from friends, family, or colleagues.

No one has emailed me with any good criticisms yet. This is your chance for individual feedback from us!

People often complain along these lines: “But how can you agree with a criticism that simply isn’t true?” Well, we’ll show you! But you need to send us examples of criticisms you have received that “simply aren’t true!”

Thanks!

096: Live Session with Lee: “Why is my wife trying to control me?”

096: Live Session with Lee: “Why is my wife trying to control me?”

Part 1 of 3 podcasts illustrating
the TEAM treatment model for a relationship conflict

With Drs. David Burns and Fabrice Nye, and special guest Dr. Jill Levitt,
Director of Training at the Feeling Good Institute in Mtn. View, California

Hi everybody!

For the past couple months, Fabrice has asked me to set up a live therapy session to illustrate how to treat troubled relationships using TEAM-CBT. I was fortunate to get an email request from a colleague named Lee who wanted help with his marriage. He explained that his wife was very controlling and critical of him and attributed this to the fact that she had a controlling mother. This is very typical in troubled relationships, most of us are convinced that the problem is the other person’s fault. Of course, Lee told us that his wife, in turn, blames back and feels that Lee is the one who needs to change.

Lee initially thought we’d do couples therapy, but in TEAM-CBT we actually prefer to treat just one person in a troubled relationship.

Two weeks ago, Jill and I sat down with Lee on a Saturday morning, linking to each other on the internet since he lives abroad, for a three-hour treatment session. The session has been broken down into three separate podcasts plus commentary from Fabrice, Jill and David on each of the three segments.

By way of disclaimers, Lee is a colleague who does coaching for individuals with alcohol addiction problems. We are not entering into a formal treatment relationship with Lee. Instead, he has offered to help us illustrate a therapy technique, using a real person problem, as part of his training and personal growth. We are deeply grateful to Lee for letting us share his intensely personal “session” with you!

Today, you will hear the first segment on T = Testing and E = Empathy. Lee will tell his story. Jill and I will listen without trying to “help” or “rescue” Lee. On the Brief Mood Survey, he indicated no depression or suicidal urges. He was mildly anxious and slightly angry. His Positive Feelings Survey indicated that he was quite happy except in two areas: He felt only moderately close to people and only slightly connected to others. His score on the Relationship Satisfaction Scale indicated significant marital distress. You will also hear him say that he felt like one of the loneliest people we would ever meet toward the end of the empathy phase of the session.

Lee Davy is the creator and founder of “The Truth about Alcohol.” He offers free weekly webinars for people who need help and support with their drinking. Check it out!

Subscribe

*  *  *

Attend my 2018 Summer Intensive in San Francisco!

This year, I am again offering my annual SF summer intensive in August at the South San Francisco Conference Center. This four-day intensive is almost always my most exciting and rewarding workshop of the year.

Here are the details:

David’s TEAM-CBT Summer Intensive

August 6 – 9, 2018, South San Francisco Conference Center, California

For more information, click here, or call IAHB.org at 800-258-8411

Here are just a few of the really cool things about this intensive:

  • You will have the chance to practice techniques in small groups after I demonstrate each technique with a live demonstration in the front of the room.
  • You will get immediate feedback and personal grooming from me and from many of my colleagues from my weekly TEAM-CBT training group at Stanford. They’ll be there to help you, and I’ll be there to help you, too!
  • There will be a live demonstration on the evening of day 1. The amazing Dr. Jill Levitt will be my co-therapist. Last year’s live demonstration, and in fact all of them in recent years, have been jaw-dropping and incredibly inspirational!
  • You’ll get a chance to practice TEAM-CBT in real time the evening of day 3. This will be an incredibly challenging but rewarding “solo flight.”
  • You will be able to do your own personal work on the last day of the workshop using the Externalization of Voices and Acceptance Paradox. In previous workshops, at least 60% of the participants indicated they experienced jubilant enlightenment during this exercise. Their fears and insecurities suddenly vanished!
  • You’ll learn how to do Relapse Prevention Training (RPT).
  • You’ll learn how to improve your empathy skills.
  • You’ll learn tons of powerful cognitive, behavioral, and motivational treatment techniques for depression and all of the anxiety disorders.
  • You will have the abundant opportunities to schmooze with colleagues, network, and have fun.
  • You will have two fabulous free luncheon banquets featuring talks by Sunny Choi, LCSW, who is using TEAM-CBT successfully with an underserved population in primary care with limited resources and language skills (“I must apologize for my success.”), and the wonderful Vandana Aspen, PhD, who will speak on “New Treatment Strategies for Eating Disorders.”)
  • And much more.

If you can only attend one of my workshops this year, the South San Francisco August intensive is the one to attend!

 

095: The Recovery Circle: A Case of Public Speaking Anxiety

095: The Recovery Circle: A Case of Public Speaking Anxiety

“Help! I’ll mumble and look nervous when I give my talk! I’m scared stiff!”

In the last two podcasts entitled “50 Methods in 50 Minutes,” David and Fabrice rapidly described 50 powerful ways to challenge and crush the negative thoughts that trigger depression, anxiety, relationship problems, and habits and addictions. Today, they describe how to select the techniques that will be most helpful for various kinds of problems, and how to individualize the treatment for each patient.

Remember that we are talking about the new TEAM-CBT. Here’s what the letters stand for:

T = Testing. We test the patient at the start and end of every therapy session to assess therapeutic progress, or the lack of progress.

E = Empathy. We use the Five Secrets of Effective Communication to provide a warm empathic connection with the patient.

A = (Paradoxical) Agenda Setting. We find out what, if anything, the patient wants help with, and bring resistance to conscious awareness. Then we will melt away the patient’s resistance using a variety of powerful “resistance busting” techniques before using any methods to try to help the patient change.

M = Methods. This is the focus of today’s podcast. We will use the Recovery Circle to select and implement the most helpful techniques, from David’s list of 50, for each patient.

The patient we will discuss is a Korean man named Daeshim who’s working for Google, and he’s been worrying for weeks about giving a presentation to a large audience at work. He explained that he does okay with small group presentations but feels totally freaked out by the idea that he would have to present to so many people.

On his Daily Mood Log, Daeshim reported many negative feelings, and rated all of them at 90 (on a scale from 0 to 100), indicating they were severe.

  • Unhappy, down
  • Anxious, nervous, panicky
  • Defective, inferior, inadequate, incompetent
  • Ashamed
  • Alone
  • Embarrassed, humiliated
  • Hopeless, discouraged, defeated
  • Frustrated
  • Angry, Upset
  • Tired and exhausted from worrying

Daeshim recorded these two Negative Thoughts on his Daily Mood Log:

  1. People won’t understand me because my voice is soft, and English is my second language. 100%
  2. I’ll mumble and look nervous and use filler words like “uh” and “umm,” so my colleagues will conclude that I’m not very intelligent. 100%

Daeshim wanted to work on the second thought. I put the thought in the middle of a Recovery Circle, as you can see here. Then I selected more than 20 methods that could help Daeshim challenge the Negative Thought in the middle of the Recovery Circle. I only listed 16 of them on the Recovery Circle, but there are many additional methods that could potentially help Daeshim.

The purpose of the methods on the Recovery Circle is to help Daeshim develop a Positive Thought that he can record on his Daily Mood Log. To be effective the Positive Thought must fulfill the Necessary and Sufficient Conditions for emotional change. Do you remember what they are?

  • The Necessary Condition for Emotional Change. The Positive Thought must be 100% true. Rationalizations or half truths won’t help anyone. Cognitive Therapy is based on the Biblical notion that “the truth shall make you free.”
  • The Sufficient Condition for Emotional Change. The Positive Thought has to put the lie to the Negative Thought (NT). In other words, the patient’s belief in the NT must go to zero, or at least be drastically reduced. The very moment the patient stops believing the Negative Thought, the negative feelings will go down dramatically, and may even disappear entirely.

When I’m treating public speaking anxiety, I think in terms of the “Internal Solution” and the “External Solution.” The Internal Solution is changing the way you think and feel about public speaking. Once you’ve done this, your feelings of intense anxiety will be greatly reduced, along with the rest of your negative feelings.

Here’s the good news: You’ll be feeling much better. Here’s the bad news: you’ll probably still be crappy at public speaking!

But there’s hope. The External Solution involves developing better public speaking skills, and those methods will be quite different. For example, Daeshim could attend a local Toastmasters group and get all kinds of tips on how to speak in a more dynamic and effective manner.

David and Fabrice bring several of the methods to life during the podcast, just to give you a feel for how the techniques on the Recovery Circle can help the patient challenge the Negative Thought in the middle. They do not include many crucial techniques because the goal for this podcast was on how to select techniques, from the list of 50, for the Recovery Circle, and how to individualize the treatment during the M = Methods phase of the session. If you are interested in learning more about the treatment of public speaking anxiety, contact David or make comments at the bottom of these show notes and we’ll be glad to follow up for you!

Why do we have so many methods for challenging negative thoughts? There are several reasons:

  • Different kinds of problems respond to different kinds of therapy techniques. The M = Methods I would use to treat depression are very different from the methods I would use to treat someone with an anxiety disorder, although there’s a little overlap. The methods for treating someone with a relationship problem, or a habit or addiction, are very different. It simply isn’t true that one size fits all!
  • Two individuals with what appears to be the exact same problem, such as public speaking anxiety, panic attacks, or depression, will rarely respond to the same methods. It can be difficult, if not impossible, to predict what method will work for which person. One person might be transformed by the Feared Fantasy Technique. Another person with the same problem might respond dramatically to the Hidden Emotion Technique, or Shame Attacking Exercises, or Self-Disclosure. If you have lots of Methods on your Recovery Circle, you won’t panic when one or even many of them do not work.
  • You may have to try many techniques that don’t work with a patient before you find the technique that does work. If you have lots of techniques on your Recovery Circle, you can “fail as fast as you can,” going from technique to technique until you find the one that works for each patient.

We hope you enjoyed today’s podcast. We’ve got tons of great stuff coming up, including a live session with a man asking for help with a marital problem. David and Dr. Jill Levitt worked as co-therapists, and the session was dynamic, emotional, and incredibly helpful. It will be broken down into three consecutive podcasts, with tons of live material from the actual session, along with helpful commentary and questions by our wonderful host, Dr. Fabrice Nye.

So, stay tuned!

David

 

* Copyright © 2018 by David D. Burns, MD

Fabrice and I hope you like our Feeling Good Podcasts, and also hope you can leave some positive comments for us and five star ratings if you like what we’re doing!

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Attend my 2018 Summer Intensive in San Francisco!

This year, I am again offering my annual SF summer intensive in August at the South San Francisco Conference Center. This four-day intensive is almost always my most exciting and rewarding workshop of the year.

Here are the details:

David’s TEAM-CBT Summer Intensive

August 6 – 9, 2018, South San Francisco Conference Center, California

For more information, click here, or call IAHB.org at 800-258-8411

Here are just a few of the really cool things about this intensive:

  • You will have the chance to practice techniques in small groups after I demonstrate each technique with a live demonstration in the front of the room.
  • You will get immediate feedback and personal grooming from me and from many of my colleagues from my weekly TEAM-CBT training group at Stanford. They’ll be there to help you, and I’ll be there to help you, too!
  • There will be a live demonstration on the evening of day 1. The amazing Dr. Jill Levitt will be my co-therapist. Last year’s live demonstration, and in fact all of them in recent years, have been jaw-dropping and incredibly inspirational!
  • You’ll get a chance to practice TEAM-CBT in real time the evening of day 3. This will be an incredibly challenging but rewarding “solo flight.”
  • You will be able to do your own personal work on the last day of the workshop using the Externalization of Voices and Acceptance Paradox. In previous workshops, at least 60% of the participants indicated they experienced jubilant enlightenment during this exercise. Their fears and insecurities suddenly vanished!
  • You’ll learn how to do Relapse Prevention Training (RPT).
  • You’ll learn how to improve your empathy skills.
  • You’ll learn tons of powerful cognitive, behavioral, and motivational treatment techniques for depression and all of the anxiety disorders.
  • You will have the abundant opportunities to schmooze with colleagues, network, and have fun.
  • You will have two fabulous free luncheon banquets featuring talks by Sunny Choi, LCSW, who is using TEAM-CBT successfully with an underserved population in primary care with limited resources and language skills (“I must apologize for my success.”), and the wonderful Vandana Aspen, PhD, who will speak on “New Treatment Strategies for Eating Disorders.”)
  • And much more.

If you can only attend one of my workshops this year, the South San Francisco August intensive is the one to attend!

 

Free TEAM-CBT Training in New York

Free TEAM-CBT Training in New York

Leader:  David Bricker, PhD, Certified Level 4 Trainer

Location: Feeling Good Center of New York, 160 Broadway, Suite 1204, New York City

When:  Wednesday evenings — 7 to 8:30 pm

Qualifications:  Licensed Professionals who are currently working with patients

Requirements:

Contact:  davidbricker@gmail.com