“I sound stupid! . . . Ouch!”
Have you ever struggled with performance anxiety, thinking you might fail or not be good enough? I think it is fair to say that every therapist in my Tuesday training group at Stanford has struggled with fairly intense feelings of anxiety and self-doubt, and perhaps you have, too, thinking you should be smarter or better than you are, and fearing that others would judge you if they saw your “true self.” In fact, I would suspect that most of our podcast fans have struggled with these feelings at some time during your life, and maybe even recently or now.
Well, today, we’ve got a wonderful program in store for you. Our own Dr. Rhonda Barovsky asked me for personal help with her own anxieties about being the new podcast host. I asked if she wanted to do it live, on a podcast, and she generously agreed!
In this heart-warming and very human session, Rhonda shares the negative thoughts and feelings she had when she listened to herself on several podcasts and begin noticing this or that error she made. She felt intensely down, anxious, ashamed, inadequate, rejected, embarrassed, discouraged, frustrated, and angry, to name just a few of her negative feelings, and her mind was flooded with negative thoughts like these:
- I sound stupid and inarticulate, and some of my comments were inaccurate, like when I said psychiatric diagnoses are meaningless labels.
- I’ve had feelings of insecurity ever since I was a child, and should be over this by now!
- David is going to regret having me as the podcast host!
- Everyone will know I’m a fraud, and no one will like or respect me.
- People will judge and reject me, and I’ll end up ostracized and alone.
She believed these thoughts at 100%. You might recall that the Necessary and Sufficient Conditions for emotional distress are:
- You have one or more negative thoughts.
- You believe the negative thoughts.
In today’s podcast, you will hear the first half of the session, which included T = Testing as well as E = Empathy. During the Empathy phase, David also included two Uncovering Techniques, the individual Downward Arrow Technique and the Interpersonal Downward Arrow Technique, so that he and Rhonda could identify the Self-Defeating Beliefs under the surface, like Perfectionism, Perceived Perfectionism, the Approval Addiction, Superwoman, and more.
This is because there are two goals in TEAM-CBT. The first goal is to crush the negative thoughts in the here and now, so that you’ll feel relief. The second goal is to modify the Self-Defeating Beliefs so you’ll be less prone to similar thoughts and feelings in the future.
In next week’s podcast, you will hear the second half of the session, which included A = (Paradoxical) Agenda Setting and M = Methods. You’ll also hear the final T = Testing to find out how effective the session was, and how Rhonda rated David on Empathy and Helpfulness.
I think you’ll find that both sessions are incredibly inspiring and wonderful sources of learning as well. I want to give a shout out to Rhonda for being so courageous and vulnerable and real, and for making this live therapy session possible! After you’ve heard Part 2 next week, let us know what you think!
You’ve all responded very positively to the live therapy we’ve done on the Feeling Good Podcasts, and you’ve asked for more. Rhonda and I are committed to making that happen for you, and we are both so grateful for your support, which means a lot to both of us. Thank you!
David and Rhonda
You can reach Dr. Burns at david@feelinggood.com. Dr. Rhonda Barovsky practices in Walnut Creek, California, and can be reached at rbarovsky@aol.com.
If you like our jingle music and would like to support the composer Brett Van Donsel, you may download it here.
During this episode, you suggested to pause the playback and read the list of 23 self-defeating beliefs that would be posted in the show notes. It looks like you may have forgotten to post those. It would be awesome if you could share that.
Thanks a lot
Thanks, dumky2! I have linked to the list of 23 Common Self-Defeating Beliefs and update the show notes. Hopefully you can reload and see them now. david
Awesome. I see the list now.
You are welcome! d
Hi, Dr. Burns! Thanks for another great podcast. The best ones are always when doing live therapy. This podcast already has me just liking Rhonda so much more. I think she’s doing a great job and she was a great choice to do the podcast with you.
I am curious, do you ever feel the need to get a fellow therapist to help you with your problems? Do problems ever sit with you for a while before you address them? I’d love for you to talk about that at some point.
Another unrelated question, what would be the outcome resistance for a phobia? My girlfriend is terrified of throwing up, the idea of throwing up in public, and someone else throwing up and causing her to throw up. She’s been listening to your podcasts but she says that she cannot think of anything non-trivial that is good about having the phobia. She’s tried for a bit to think of some hidden emotion too but is coming up short. She seems pretty confident she’d like to press the magic button.
She also doesn’t know how to do exposure and doesn’t feel like it would work because she has had plenty of episodes of extreme anxiety going in public or watching others throw up and it doesn’t seem to get better despite trying to push through it. I suggested maybe she could try cognitive exposure where she vividly imagines throwing up or watching videos of people throwing up. Do you think that’s a good idea? What other techniques might be good to add to her recovery circle?
Thanks!
-Paul
I would ask her what it is about vomiting that she is afraid of. Dying? Looking like a fool in public? Etc? That might help with the exposure aspect.
I had the fear of vomiting but got over it after a spell with Meniere’s Disease following a cold or flu. It cause repeated vomiting every time you move your head! So I had some involuntary exposure of 100s of vomiting episodes one afternoon. That kind of cured me!
100% of anxious people erroneously claim that exposure won’t work since they’ve been accidentally exposed to the thing they fear and they’re still afraid. But that’s not exposure! If she is interested and motivated, she could read When Panic Attacks and learn more about the Daily Mood Log and working systematically.
Hello Dr Burn,
Greetings for the day! Hope you are doing well@congrats for your New book as well.
Sir,
You have come in my life as a big hope through your book @Feeling Good-New Mood therapy, I have read so far 7 chapter up to ANGER Management & also I am Maintaining record of thoughts and doing other exercises also.
Sir, I am 41, Male from India and was diagnosed with Anxiety, GAD, MDD, OCD and taking Medication for last 21 years, In my childhood I was very active child but was a perfectionist also like I used to books in a very arranged manner, I keep making notes again and again till my exams, I Used to get afraid during my exams even I was fully prepared( keep watching books,farmulas,notes ).I think it is enough for you to understand my nature.
Sir, Now the days I am ok as I am taking medicines also, but occasionally I got very anxious, here I need your help, one thing I can understand now That Anxiety & OCD are also outcome of distortion thought & I want to read more on this i.e. How to take care of distortion thoughts causing anxiety, GAD and OCD.
Sir I will be very grateful if you can provide me any link of article or blog Written By you or also want to know is there any specific book available in market written by You On these topics.
I will be very Grateful for taking my query from your busy schedule.
Regards
Deepak
Thanks, Deepak! My book When Panic Attacks is all about all the forms of anxiety, including OCD. So might be vrey helpful! My brand new book, Feeling Great, might also help. You can get both on Amazon! Warmly, david
thanks in Ton Sir.
You are welcome! d
Hello Dr Burns ,
I am Hema for India . I havent read your books yet but just listened to few podcasts and already feeling hopeful . I have been a very happy person until last year and when Covid stuck and couldn’t go home as my parents lived in another country. I lost motivation and am anxious to even go out alone that i have to drag my husband to all the places that i go in fear i might act crazy if i get too anxious and be hospitalized . Also i fear if i might go crazy and harm myself or someone that i avoid other people presence or standing on a balcony or even i see a knife .
I would be really grateful and indebted if you could let me know what i am going through or any blogs that i can read to learn to overcome this . I desperately want to go back to my happy self and enjoy life .
Thanks
Sure, thanks, sounds like you are intensely anxious. You can use the search function on my website and enter “panic attacks” aas there are podcasts on the fear of going crazy, and also enter “hidden emotion” and also “OCD.” There is a free anxiety class on my website. You can also purchase and read my book When Panic Attacks. Hope this is helpful1! David
Was there ever a part 2 to this episode?
Have you looked at the list of podcasts, with links, on my website, feelinggood.com? If so, let me know what you find. Thanks so much! david
What an outstanding podcast, I learned something new every minute. More power to you, Dr David and Rhonda I greatly admire your ability to be so open and vulnerable.
Regards, Preetika
Thanks so much for the kind comments! Copying Rhonda! d
This video and your interview with Tom Bilyeu was helpful in showing me the way out of the woods.. I did have your older Feeling Good and Workbooks but I gave up on CBT and want to try again. I see I didn’t do enough exposure and practice. Question. I did see the Recovery Circle on this site, but is there a Blank Mood Log available to download?
Thank you Dr Burns
You might like When Panic Attacks. You shoould be able to search google for a nice DML on my website, like a reocvery circle too. Lots of free resources on my website, feelinggood.com. d