Here’s your paradoxical tip of the day!
There’s no such thing as a false criticism.
Use the Reply / Comment feature below to let us to know how you understand today’s tip.
Thanks!
David
* Copyright © 2018 by David D. Burns, MD.
David’s Tuesday Tips (#10)*
The person who criticises you believes their criticism is valid. When you agree with their criticism and find some truth in it then it loses its sting and you both feel better..
Very true! Great point! david
Yeah – I get it!
Hi Louise, Great to hear from you. Please give your wonderful husband a hug for me! Warmly, david
Hello Dr. Burns,
I never understood this before becoming your “student,” (reading your books and listening to your podcasts for the last 20 years) but as Philomablog states, The person who criticizes you believes their criticism is valid. Then, when you argue with them, you prove it so. It’s a fascinating logic puzzle to me.
Hi Gary, yes you are SO RIGHT! Thanks. And it is fascinating to me, too, quite the paradox, I think. david
Aside from the great points made by others here, to take that quote into account forces you to listen to the criticism and we humans are way too often not trying to understand criticism, but simply brush it of. (on a side note: Did you once say “you don’t have a personality”, i think I heard you say it. For some reason that statement has an almost spiritual meaning to me)
Right on all counts! Thanks, Claus! Yes, you don’t have a “personality,” a “self,” or an “identity.” And it IS a spiritual thing! david
It seems that once a criticism is voiced (true or false), it exists, and arguing that it is false only appears to deny that reality. Better to agree with the criticism and discover how it can be used to strengthen a relationship.
Absolutely, thanks, John! d