Here’s your paradoxical tip of the day!
If you defend yourself against a criticism that appears to be totally false and unfair, you will prove that the criticism is absolutely valid. In contrast, if you genuinely agree with a criticism that is totally false and unfair, the moment you agree with it, it will no longer be true, and the critic will no longer believe it!
This is called the Law of Opposites. What does it mean? If you grasp it, it can change your life!
Use the Reply / Comment feature below to let us to know how you understand today’s tip.
* Copyright © 2018 by David D. Burns, MD.
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I don’t understand how this works….can you explain why? Thanks.
Will do that tomorrow! but if you give me a criticism that you received, I will REALLY be able to show you how it works with a real example! d
I like David’s Paradoxical Tuesday Tip # 7, for today. I can’t want to try practicing it in my life.
San Antonio, Texas, USA
*I can’t wait to try practicing…… (not “I can’t want”)
i can’t see my comments after I post them.
San Antonio, Texas, USA
See instructions for this at the top of each blog. d
Davidmablog, this is when you find even a grain of truth in the criticism and it magically melts away the sting of the criticism. Almost like a negative and positive charge cancel each other out. Things become neutral rather than polarized. By accepting the criticism it loses its power to upset you..
thanks, Philomablog! Davidmablog
A friend said I thought she was stupid. I’m afraid agreeing with her will make her feel even worse. She is critizing me for thinking negatively about her which isn’t true. Though it’s true I get negative feelings from this conflict.
Thanks, Claus! If you want some comments, write down exactly what she said to you, and what you said next. Otherwise, it is just general talk that won’t help you. david
The trick to this tip – at least as I’ve followed from the books – is to find some truth in their ideas and perspective.
In my head I think: Tell them how I imagine that critical idea might be the right thing to share.
For example as a designer. If the client thinks my design is “bad”, I ask for constructive criticism. Make a present and future focused plan. “Great! I’m hearing that we need to make some changes. Let’s talk through your thoughts. I’m happy to make those updates!”
(I often try to express Great! Perfect! Wonderful! What good news!)
I can definitely identify with their annoyance of not getting what they want easily. Who doesn’t want that.
Well stated, thanks, Sketchee! d