015: The Five Secrets of Effective Communication (Part 2)

In Podcast #14, David and Fabrice discussed the Five Secrets of Effective Communication. You can remember them with the acronym, EAR:

E = Empathy

A = Assertiveness

R = Respect

If used skillfully, the Five Secrets can resolve nearly any relationship conflict and transform hostility, resentment and mistrust into intimacy and warmth, often with amazing speed. And although this may seem easy when you first learn about the Five Secrets, it’s extremely difficult in real world situations.

In this Podcast, David and Fabrice discuss a number of predictable emotional and mental errors nearly everyone makes when trying to use the Five Secrets to get close to someone he or she is at odds with.

2 thoughts on “015: The Five Secrets of Effective Communication (Part 2)

  1. Any suggestions as to using the five secrets when the person talks so fast and cover so much ground it is impossible to repeat what they are saying or truly follow all they are saying. I find myself agreeing, listening, using feeling empathy and stroking. I wonder if my assertions are truly heard.

    • I cannot advise you, but can tell you that when I am in this situation, I use one of the three advanced communication techniques called “Changing the Focus.” I might say, “John, you always have a tremendous number of great ideas, but I sometimes have trouble keeping up with you because you speak really fast. I feel badly about it, because I’m really interested in what you have to say, and I end up losing some of it. I’m wondering if maybe I haven’t been a good listener, so you could feel you have to get in as much as possible. At any rate, i find it uncomfortable. Have you noticed this as well? Tell me how you’ve been feeling.”

      You can probably do a better job since you know the person. but the idea is to bring to problem to conscious awareness, rather than trying to solve the problem, which actually causes the problem to continue. However, this is a subtle technique, and some people cannot grasp it. They keep trying to “win” the battle.


Leave a Reply