David and Mike Christensen Will Discuss “The Four Great Deaths”!

David and Mike Christensen Will Discuss “The Four Great Deaths”!

Watch David and Mike on FB Live tomorrow,
April 22, 2018, at 3 PM (Pacific Time) as they discuss–
the “Self” and the Death of the Self

Hi all!

As early as 2500 years ago Buddhists began talking about the “Great Death” as the path to enlightenment. Many other religions and spiritual paths also talk about death and rebirth.  But what do these concepts actually mean, and do they have anything to do with psychotherapy, or are they strictly spiritual concepts?

In his FB Live broadcast tomorrow, David and Mike Christensen will explore these concepts and focus on a number of specific questions.

  1. David claims there is not one, but four “Great Deaths” of the self, and they are involved in recovery from depression, anxiety disorders, relationship conflicts, and habits and addictions, respectively. What are these  four Great Deaths?
  2. Many individuals struggling with depression or anxiety fear the judgement of others. Have you ever felt like others might judge you because your “self” is defective, inferior, or simply “not good enough.”  How does one escape from this dilemma? Is it even possible? What if your “self” really isn’t good enough?
  3. Can the “self” be judged? Can you judge the worthwhileness of a human being, as opposed to the specific things we think, do or say? Does the “self” even exist?

David and Mike will discuss these questions from a practical, psychological, and spiritual perspective, and will include vignettes and examples to breathe life into the discussion, and to keep it practical.

You will also get an update and sneak preview of David’s new book, Feeling Great, currently in progress!

 

Some Cool Upcoming Workshops

Coming in May! Act fast if you want to join us!

May 20th, 2018  Advanced, High-Speed CBT for the Treatment of Depression and Anxiety A one day workshop by Drs. David Burns and Jill Levitt. 6 CE Credits, $135
You can join in person or online from wherever you live! Click here for registration information.

There are no spots left for the live workshop in Palo Alto, but we still have room for you to join us online. Mike Christensen and others will be available to help those who join online with the small group exercises in “virtual” rooms. In this workshop, you’ll have the chance to personal work, so you can boost your own feelings of confidence and self-esteem while at the same time learning tons of new tools that will greatly boost your clinical effectiveness!

Coming in June! One of my best two-day workshops ever!

“Scared Stiff: Fast, Effective Treatment for Anxiety Disorders”
a two-day workshop Sponsored by Jack Hirose & Associates
June 4 -5, 2018 Calgary, Canada
June 6 – 7, 2018 Winnipeg, Canada

Mike Christensen and several others will be joining me at both locations to help out with supervision of the small group exercises. You’ll LOVE this workshop and you’ll learn TONS of powerful techniques to treat every type of anxiety. You’ll learn how to heal your clients and your own feelings of insecurity and self-doubt as well! And I’ll do a live demonstration at each location, to add some drama, illumination, and inspiration. Should be exciting! Hope you can join us!

I greatly appreciate your support, and hope you will continue to spread the word about TEAM-CBT and www.feelinggood.com. i am trying hard to reach as many people as possible with my free programming and blogs designed to help individuals struggling with depression, anxiety, relationship conflicts, and habits and addictions, as well as the therapists who treat them!

David

084: Role-Play Techniques (Part 2) — Paradoxical Double-Standard Technique

084: Role-Play Techniques (Part 2) — Paradoxical Double-Standard Technique

The is the second podcast on TEAM-CBT role-playing techniques and features the Paradoxical Double Standard Technique. David describes watching Dr. Maxy Maultsby do a demonstration of the Double Standard Technique when he was a psychiatric resident in the 1970s at the University of Pennsylvania medical school. He was quite surprised when the patient, who was severely depressed and suicidal following a break-up with her boyfriend, improved dramatically within an hour. David modified the technique in several ways, and tonight will present what is probably the most powerful way to use this technique.

The technique is based on the idea that most of us operate on a double-standard. When we are upset about some failure, mistake, or inadequacy, we tend to beat up on ourselves mercilessly. But if we were talking to a dear friend with the exact same problem, we’d be far more compassionate and realistic. Once you make the patient aware of this double-standard, you ask if he or she would be willing to talk to himself or herself in the same way he or she would talk to a dear friend.

But the unique feature of the way David does it, is that you, the therapist, “become” a dear friend of the patient, kind of like a long-list identical twin who is actually virtually identical to the patient, but a different person. Then the therapist (playing the role of the friend) describe the problem the patient is struggling as if it is your own problem.

Then you ask the patient what he or she thinks. Typically, the patient will respond with great compassion. Then you, the therapist, cross examine the patient, to make sure what the patient is saying is the absolute, 100% truth. Finally, you ask the patient to record this in the Positive Thoughts column on his or her Daily Mood Log.

While no technique will work for everyone, this one works for many patients if:

  1. You’ve done excellent Empathy first.
  2. You’ve done skillful Paradoxical Agenda Setting to melt away the patient’s Outcome Resistance.
  3. The patient is reasonably compassionate and actually does have a double standard. On rare occasions, you may have a patient who hates himself or herself, who also hates other people. For these patients, the technique will not be effective.

The special guest tonight is Eleanor Scott, a community therapist who is a student in David’s Tuesday group at Stanford, and who has bravely volunteered to help demonstrate teaching techniques once again. (Eleanor was also feature in an Empathy role-play a couple weeks ago.)

Eleanor has brought a partially completed Daily Mood Log to the group, and the Upsetting Event is simply being in the Tuesday group and feeling insecure while trying to learn TEAM-CBT. These feelings are a fairly common, almost universal, among the therapists who attend David’s training groups. Initially, nearly all of them feel intense anxiety, along with a myriad of other negative feelings, such as shame and inadequacy, due to the belief that they are not “good enough,” along with the fear that others in the training group will notice their ineptitude and judge them!

Eleanor’s Negative Thoughts included:

  • I should be learning more quickly.
  • The other students will notice that I don’t know what I’m doing!
  • I’m never going to get this.
  • I don’t know what I’m doing.
  • I sound like an idiot/stupid.
  • I suck!

David explains how the Paradoxical Double-Standard Technique works, and demonstrates it with Eleanor. Eleanor finds a powerful inner voice and quickly blasts all of her Negative Thoughts out of the water.

David cross-examines Eleanor to find out if this amazingly rapid and dramatic change in her Negative Thoughts and feelings was real, or if she was just being “nice” to try to produce a good role-play for David!

Fabrice raps up the podcast with his (as usual) great interview with David and Eleanor, bringing out many of the teaching points during the session.

Follow-up: The day after the recording, Eleanor sent this fantastic email to our training group, and she gave me permission to share it with all of you.

Hi Tuesday groupers,

I wanted to share a success that I had with everyone, especially my ‘newbie’ group.  I received a low grade on an evaluation of a therapy session by a client last week, and I started the session today by discussing this with the client.  I used the Five Secrets of Effective Communication to acknowledge that she wasn’t heard (Disarming Technique) and shared how I felt about the session (“I Feel” Statement). I also asked about what I had missed (Inquiry). Throughout her account, I used Thought and Feeling Empathy.

The connection that was created from this was incredible.  I was able to truly see this client and hear her story and see the amazing grace with which she lives her life (Stroking).

I also think that I was able to truly be present and vulnerable with my client had a lot to do with the amazing work I experienced being a volunteer on the podcast last night.  I can’t thank you enough David… I am STILL feeling good and I’m riding this good feeling as far as it takes me!

If you get a chance… volunteer for the podcasts… it’s such an incredible opportunity for growth!

Thanks,

Eleanor

David’s response: Wow! Way to go, Eleanor! Awesome!

Next week: More of David’s Role-Playing Techniques!

Coming VERY Soon! Advanced, High-Speed TEAM-CBT for the Treatment of Depression and Anxiety 

We warmly invite you to attend this fabulous, one-day workshop by Drs. David Burns and Jill Levitt on Sunday, May 20th, 2018. Click on the link above for registration and more information.

  • 6 CE Credits
  • The cost is $135
  • You can join in person or online from wherever you live!

You will enjoy learning from David and Jill, working together to bring powerful, healing techniques to life in a clear, step-by-step way. Their teaching style as a team is entertaining, funny, lucid, and inspiring. This is a day you will remember fondly!

In the afternoon, you will have the chance to do some personal healing so you can overcome your own feelings of insecurity and self-doubt. David and Jill promise to bring at least 60% of the audience into a state of spiritual and psychological enlightenment, WITHOUT years of meditation. That’s not a bad deal at all!

You will LOVE this workshop. Seating for those who attend live in Palo Alto will be strictly limited, and seats are filling up fast, so move rapidly if you are interested.

Jill and I hope you can join us!

Fabrice and I hope you like our Feeling Good Podcasts, and also hope you can leave some positive comments for us and five star ratings if you like what we’re doing!

Subscribe

At least one listener has had problems leaving an iTunes review from his i-phone, so Fabrice has created some simple to follow instructions if you need help.

 

 

Register for the May 20, 2018 Workshop with David and Jill!

Register for the May 20, 2018 Workshop with David and Jill!

 

David Burns FB Ad-01

Coming Soon!

High-Speed TEAM-CBT for Depression and Anxiety Disorders 

I warmly invite you to attend this fabulous, one-day workshop by Drs. David Burns and Jill Levitt on Sunday, May 20th, 2018. Click on the link above for registration information.

  • 6 CE Credits
  • The cost is $135
  • You can join in person or online from wherever you live!

You will enjoy learning from David and Jill, working together to bring powerful, healing techniques to life in a clear, step-by-step way. Their teaching style is entertaining, funny, lucid, and inspiring. This is a day you will remember fondly!

In the afternoon, you will have the chance to do some personal healing so you can overcome your own feelings of insecurity and self-doubt. David and Jill promise to bring at least 60% of the audience into a state of spiritual and psychological enlightenment, WITHOUT years of meditation. That’s not a bad deal!

You will also leave this workshop with renewed confidence as well as specific, powerful tools that you can use right away to improve your clinical outcomes!

You will LOVE this workshop. Seating for those who attend live in Palo Alto will be strictly limited, and seats are filling up fast, so move rapidly if you are interested. Online slots are also limited.

Jill and I hope you can join us!

 

 

083: Role-Play Techniques (Part 1) — Externalization of Voices / Acceptance Paradox

083: Role-Play Techniques (Part 1) — Externalization of Voices / Acceptance Paradox

This is the first several podcasts on the Role-Playing Techniques David has created. They include:

  • Externalization of Voices (with Acceptance Paradox and Self-Defense Paradigm)
  • Paradoxical Double Standard Technique
  • Feared Fantasy
  • Devil’s Advocate
  • Forced Empathy
  • Man from Mars
  • And more

David’s explains that he began developing role-playing techniques in the early days of cognitive therapy because many of the Beckian techniques, such as Examine the Evidence and the Socratic Technique–while sometimes very helpful, were sometimes a bit dry, and he wanted to include punchier and more powerful and dynamic techniques in his therapeutic toolkit. These role-playing techniques are just one part of what sets TEAM-CBT apart from traditional, Beckian CBT.

Today, he explains and demonstrates the Externalization of Voices, which is always combined with the Self-Defense Paradigm and the Acceptance Paradox. He is joined by Fabrice, of course, and “Sarah,” one of the members of his Tuesday training group at Stanford. Sarah has volunteered to use a personal example in the podcast to help demonstrate the Externalization of Voices.

Sarah has brought a partially complete Daily Mood Log to the session. The Upsetting Event was that Sarah has decided to move to Austin, Texas in two weeks. She has many moderately strong negative feelings about the move, including sadness (30), anxiety and nervousness (75), inadequacy (60), loneliness (75), self-consciousness, and discouragement (70). She also felt stuck and defeated (70). The numbers in parentheses indicate how strong each type of feeling was on a scale from 0 (not at all) to 100 (extremely.)

Her Negative Thoughts include:

  • “All of my friends are ahead of me in life (careers and relationships).”
  • “I should be further along in my career and I should be 100% certain this is the best career for me in the long term.
  • “For the most part, I haven’t helped most of my clients very much.”
  • “My anxiety over the past year indicates that I’m in the wrong profession.”
  • “I’ll never get back in the great shape, physically and emotionally, that I was in three years ago.”
  • “Moving to California set my life back by a year.”
  • “I won’t be able to make new friends in Austin.”
  • “I will be lonely and without friends.”
  • “I won’t be able to cope with stress.”
  • “My therapy skills aren’t good enough,”

and more.  Her belief in many of her Negative thoughts is quite high, in the range of 70% to 100%. However, her belief in one of them, “Moving to California set my life back by a year,” was only 20%.

Although David did not intend this to be a live therapy session, but rather a practice session to demonstrate how the Externalization of Voices works, David does some brief paradoxical Agenda Setting first, since Sarah’s example is real, and not made up. David uses several techniques to melt away Sarah’s Outcome Resistance, including:

  • The Invitation
  • The Miracle Cure Question
  • The Magic Button
  • Positive Reframing

During the Positive Reframing, David asks Sarah two things about her negative thoughts and feelings:

  1. What does each negative thought or feeling reveal about you and your core values that is positive and awesome?
  2. What are some advantages, or benefits, of each negative thought or feeling?

They come up with a list of ten positives, including these: “My negative thoughts and feelings show that

  1. I’m realistic and honest.
  2. I’m thoughtful.
  3. I’m committed to self-care, since I want to have good mental and physical health.
  4. I’m motivated to grow and improve my therapy skills.
  5. I have compassion for my clients and want to give them the best care that I can.
  6. I’m honest about my shortcomings.
  7. I’m humble.
  8. I have high standards.
  9. I want to connect with others.
  10. I’m committed to my career.

They conclude the Paradoxical Agenda Setting with the Magic Dial. Sarah decides to lower her negative feelings f to much lower levels, in the range of 5% to 15%.

Then, David asks Sarah which Negative Thought she wants to work on first. She chose the thought about never being able to get back into top physical and mental shape again. They identify the many cognitive distortions in the thought, such as All-or-Nothing Thinking, Overgeneralization, Mental Filter, Discounting the Positive, Fortune-Telling, Magnification and Minimization, Emotional Reasoning, Should Statements, and self-Blame.

Then David explains how the Externalization of Voices works, and they launch into the technique. David starts out as the “Negative Sarah,” and attacks her with the Negative Thought she wanted to attack first, using the second-person, “You.” Sarah responds in the role of the “Positive Sarah,” using the first-person, “I.”

Sarah fairly quickly knocks the ball out of the park, and easily crushes the Negative Thought David has attacked her with. Then David attacks Sarah with the rest of her Negative Thoughts, one at a time, doing occasional role-reversals to illustrate different ways to attack the thought. They continue doing role-reversals until Sarah described her victory over each Negative Thought as “huge.”

This only takes a few minutes. Then Sarah re-rates her negative feelings on the Daily Mood Log, and nearly all have been reduced to zero. David cross-examines Sarah to find out if this amazingly rapid and dramatic change was real, or if she was just being “nice” to try to produce a good role-play for David!

Fabrice raps up the podcast with his (as usual) great interview with David and Sarah, bringing out many of the teaching points during the session. He emphasizes that you can actually use many of David’s 50 Methods when doing Externalization of Voices, and points out the power of “Let’s Be Specific” that David demonstrated during the role-playing.

Next week: The Paradoxical Double Standard Technique!

Coming Soon! Advanced, High-Speed TEAM-CBT for the Treatment of Depression and Anxiety 

We warmly invite you to attend this fabulous, one-day workshop by Drs. David Burns and Jill Levitt on Sunday, May 20th, 2018. Click on the link above for registration and more information.

  • 6 CE Credits
  • The cost is $135
  • You can join in person or online from wherever you live!

You will enjoy learning from David and Jill, working together to bring powerful, healing techniques to life in a clear, step-by-step way. Their teaching style as a team is entertaining, funny, lucid, and inspiring. This is a day you will remember fondly!

In the afternoon, you will have the chance to do some personal healing so you can overcome your own feelings of insecurity and self-doubt. David and Jill promise to bring at least 60% of the audience into a state of spiritual and psychological enlightenment, WITHOUT years of meditation. That’s not a bad deal at all!

You will LOVE this workshop. Seating for those who attend live in Palo Alto will be strictly limited, and seats are filling up fast, so move rapidly if you are interested.

Jill and I hope you can join us!

Fabrice and I hope you like our Feeling Good Podcasts, and also hope you can leave some positive comments for us and five star ratings if you like what we’re doing!

Subscribe

At least one listener has had problems leaving an iTunes review from his i-phone, so Fabrice has created some simple to follow instructions if you need help.

 

 

082: Neil Sattin Interview — Change your Thoughts, Change Your Life!

082: Neil Sattin Interview — Change your Thoughts, Change Your Life!

In this podcast, David and Fabrice feature David’s recent interview on the topic of “Change your Thoughts, Change Your Life!” The interview was first published on Neil Sattin’s highly regarded Relationship Alive Podcast. Although some of the material may be familiar, there’s much that’s new, and you will enjoy the chemistry between Neil and David as they discuss each of the ten cognitive distortions and raise many challenging questions, such as:

  • Is it really true that only our thoughts–and NOT external events–can change the way we feel?
  • If someone has the belief, “I’m unlovable,” isn’t that type of thought immutable? How could you possibly change or modify a thought that may be rooted in traumatic experiences and so deeply embedded in a patient’s psyche?
  • Should we try to change other people’s cognitive distortions, or just our own?
  • How can we challenge each of the ten cognitive distortions?

And much more!

David’s first interview with Neil received more than 25,000 downloads in the first month, and this riveting interview promises to be every bit as popular. If you want to download a transcript of this exciting interview, you can do so at www.neilsattin.com/feelinggood2.

Coming Soon!

Next week we will begin an exciting series on the powerful role-playing techniques in TEAM-CBT, including

  1. Externalization of Voices (with Acceptance Paradox and Self-Defense Paradigm)
  2. Paradoxical Double Standard Technique
  3. Devil’s Advocate
  4. Forced Empathy
  5. Man from Mars
  6. And more

These episode will feature students and teachers in David’s Tuesday training group at Stanford, so you will get a taste of what an actual Tuesday group is like and see, first hand, how these methods work. They are unique to TEAM-CBT, and most have been created by Dr. Burns. We will also devote one episode to live Shame-Attacking Exercises, featuring the master of Shame Attacking, Dr. Joseph Towery, and we will all be out on the street doing Shame Attacking ourselves.

These episodes will be designed for therapists as well as your patients, and of course also for the general public.

Also Coming Soon!

May 20th, 2018  Advanced, High-Speed CBT for the Treatment of Depression and Anxiety A one day workshop by Drs. David Burns and Jill Levitt. 6 CE Credits, $135
You can join in person or online from wherever you live!

You will LOVE this workshop because you will learn and practice techniques you can use in your clinical practice, but you will also have the chance to do your own personal work! And you will also have the unique opportunity to experience the tag-team teaching of David and Jill working together!

Fabrice and I hope you like our Feeling Good Podcasts, and also hope you can leave some positive comments for us and five star ratings if you like what we’re doing!

Subscribe

At least one listener has had problems leaving an iTunes review from his i-phone, so Fabrice has created some simple to follow instructions if you need help.

 

 

What’s the Meaning and Purpose of My Life?

What’s the Meaning and Purpose of My Life?

Is love a human need? How about achievement? How do we achieve “self-actualization?” What about Maslow’s hierarchy of “needs?”

Hi visitors, here’s a cool email question about the meaning and purpose of life that I got from a highly esteemed fan.

Hi David,

Looking at the comments thread on your home page, I had a question based on some comments from others. Is it important to know the purpose of your life in order to feel self-contented and happy?

I could not come out with an appropriate answer for myself. Is there really a way to find out what the purpose of your life is, or does it really matter? And even if it does matter, what do we do if we find out our purpose? Maybe that’s not practical in today’s materialistic world.

I read an article on Abraham Maslow’s hierarchy of needs pyramid. From the bottom to the top of the pyramid, he lists

  • physiological needs
  • security needs
  • belongingness and love needs
  • self-esteem needs through accomplishments
  • and finally, self-actualization.

Here’s my question: Can humans be really happy without any or even many of these missing needs?

Practically, I see it as difficult. But, by cognitive theory it seems to be possible at least to the level of not disturbing ourselves for the missing needs.

To make it short my question, in essence, is this: What can be the true drivers of happiness in today’s times while at least one or more needs is challenged in this need hierarchy, especially love and relationship needs along with the realization of our full potential.

Thanks,

Rajesh

 

Hi Rajesh,

Thanks for another cool question! I can only ramble a bit and give you my take on it.

I recall reading about Maslow’s “needs” theory in college, in a class on so-called “third force psychology.” The writers in that movement focused, if I recall correctly, on achieving peak experiences, as opposed to becoming less depressed or anxious. At the time, I like the class and found it inspirational.

However, my thinking as a cognitive therapist, and now as a TEAM-CBT therapist, has evolved a great deal from my thinking during my college days. I have discovered that some of these “needs” are not really “needs,” but wants, although this is, of course, extremely controversial.

Individuals who I have treated who thought of love and achievement as “needs” have been very depressed, and sometimes even suicidal. If you read my book, Feeling Good, you’ll find sections on the so-called “Love Addiction” as well as the “Achievement Addiction.”

One potential problem is that if you tell yourself that you “need” love or achievement to feel happy and fulfilled, you may set yourself up for intense anxiety and depression when you are rejected, or when you fail. In addition, it is not really true that adult humans need love or a certain level of achievement to feel happy and fulfilled. Of course, to some people, what I am saying right now will seem like the darkest type of heresy!

In the chapter in Feeling Good on the “Love Addiction,” you can read about a woman who was dumped by her husband, so he could have an affair with his secretary. She was devastated and told herself, “I need John’s love to feel happy and fulfilled.” This thought triggered intense depression and hopelessness.

I encouraged her to do an experiment to test this belief, using the Pleasure Predicting Sheet. She discovered, much to her surprise, that simply being by herself, and treating herself in a loving way triggered high levels of satisfaction. In contrast, a lunch with her husband turned out to be one of the most miserable experiences of her life.

This gave her morale a tremendous boost, because she realized she did not actually “need” her husband’s love. Being around him was clearly NOT a source of happiness or “self-actualization.” She began dating and soon fell in love with a fellow who was far more suitable for her. And of course, the moment she no longer “needed” her husband, he begged for her to return. Instead, she filed for divorce.

This happens almost every time. When you “need” things, they tend to be elusive; when you no longer “need” the universe, the universe will come to you.

Her husband called and said he was enraged with me, because he’d referred his wife to me and had asked me to take care of her in case she became suicidal. I told him, “I did, I did!”

So, to answer your questions from my, admittedly controversial, perspective, there is no one “meaning” or “purpose” in life. Instead, there are an infinite number of meanings and purposes that present themselves in the experiences we have at every moment of every day. For example, right now I am answering your question, and enjoying this dialogue. That’s enough “meaning” and “purpose” for me for the moment. When I finish this blog, I will find some other activity, or purpose.

And as far as “self-actualization” goes, that just sounds to me like another perfectionistic trap. Right now, I’m too busy having fun to care about “self-actualization.” I think life, and the many rewards of life, can be found in the here-and-now, in our moment-by-moment reality, and not so much in the clouds of abstraction.

As a psychiatrist, I don’t usually approach these things from an overly general or philosophical perspective. Instead, I ask my patients to pinpoint one specific moment when they were feeling anxious or depressed on the Daily Mood Log. Then I ask them to rate their negative feelings and record the negative thoughts that triggered those feelings. Then we can identify the many cognitive distortions in those thoughts.

At that point, I bring the patient’s resistance to conscious awareness and melt it away, using Paradoxical Agenda Setting Techniques, like the Invitation Step, the Miracle Cure Question, the Magic Button, Positive Reframing, and the Magic Dial. At that point, we use several methods to challenge and crush the negative thoughts. This usually leads to a rapid and fairly complete elimination of the negative thoughts and feelings, and often ushers in fairly intense feelings of joy.

That’s just a brief overview, of course. If the patient has Self-Defeating Beliefs that get in the way, such as the belief that he or she “needs” love, approval, achievement, or perfection in order to be “worthwhile,” then we sometimes modify those beliefs as a part of Relapse Prevention Training.

Achievement can be very rewarding—but it does not make you more “worthwhile” and is no guarantee for happiness. Same goes for love, approval, perfection, fame, status, or wealth. There’s certainly nothing wrong with love or approval, but it does not make you more “worthwhile.”

One last point is this: physiological needs are true needs. We do need food, air, and water to survive. Without them we die. So the basis of Maslow’s pyramid is valid. But most of the rest of his pyramid consists of wants, not needs. My take on it! Some will probably insist I’m a quack!

You might think of security as a “need.” For example, if you were in a dangerous situation, such as a war zone where bullets were flying, and you had no protection, you could die.

But Maslow includes financial security, health and well-being as “needs.” Well, if you listen to the podcasts featuring live work with Marilyn, you will discover that she experienced “self-actualization” after a diagnosis of stage 4 lung cancer. But if Dr. Matthew May (my co-therapist) and I had taken the path of believing that she could not feel happy and worthwhile without good health, this “need” approach might have doomed her to ongoing severe depression and anxiety.

And I’ve treated many people with intense anxiety and depression who feared going bankrupt. Five of them actually DID have to declare bankruptcy while I was treating them. And you want to know the really odd thing? The day they went bankrupt, every single one of them recovered! Their feelings of depression and anxiety were not caused by their lack of financial security, but rather from their distorted negative thoughts, thinking (wrongly) that they’d be worthless and unlovable if their business failed. That’s why their negative feelings disappeared–they discovered that their fears were baseless.

By the way, people elevate all kinds of things to the level of needs. For example, someone wrote to me earlier in the week, quite irate, because he did not believe that thoughts create emotions. He said the facts of your life create your feelings.

My goodness! I don’t think he’s read any of my books or listened to the live therapy with Marilyn! I’ve really addressed the idea that our feelings result entirely from out thoughts, and not external events, so many times! But many people still don’t “get it!” And some don’t want to get it!

He gave the example that if your IQ is only average, or even below average, you cannot be happy, since you might want to study physics, but you’re not smart enough to do that!

This actually happened to me in college. I thought it would be super cool to major in physics, but the kids in my class who were majoring in physics—Phil Allen, Farzam Arbab, and Joe Stiglitz—had IQs far above mine, and it simply was not a smart option for me. So, I majored in philosophy instead, which was a lot easier for me. And I’ve loved the road I’ve traveled!

Think about this: Half of the people in the world have IQs below 100—that’s the half-way point, by definition. Half of us have IQs above 100, and half have IQs below 100.

Does this mean that half of the people in the world are doomed to depression? That sounds totally nutty and simply doesn’t accord with the facts! But when you tell yourself that you “need” this or that to feel happy, you turn yourself into a victim.

The fellow who wrote to me was pretty indignant and seemed intent on proving how “wrong” I was! As I’ve said, these issues are sensitive and highly charged for many people, and controversial, to be sure.

That’s why I don’t evangelize too much. I treat people who are suffering, people who are motivated to change. If someone wants to view love or achievements as “needs,” and if this belief system is working for him or her, then that’s totally fine by me.

One last point, just to be safe. I mentioned that love is not an adult human need. When Aaron Beck first made that claim in one of the weekly seminars I was attending as post-doctoral fellow in psychiatry at the U. Penn. Medical School in Philadelphia, I practically fell off my chair and had the thought: “He must be some kind of sociopath to believe such a horrible thing!” But over time, I discovered he was right, and that insight saved the lives of quite a few rejected, lonely and suicidal people I have treated over the years.

When I say that love and achievement are not “needs,” people get annoyed with me as well. Some skeptics remind me about infants with the “failure to thrive” syndrome—they don’t develop properly without love, without being touched, that sort of thing. I think that line of research is valid. For infants, love and nurturing do seem to be human needs. For adults, I think it is more productive to think of them as “wants.”

A Cool Upcoming Workshop for you!

May 20th, 2018  Advanced, High-Speed CBT for the Treatment of Depression and Anxiety A one day workshop with Drs. David Burns and Jill Levitt. 6 CE Credits, $135
You can join in person or online from wherever you live!

 

 

“A Letter to Marilyn—from the World”–My Easter / Passover Message

“A Letter to Marilyn—from the World”–My Easter / Passover Message

What’s The True Meaning of Spirituality?

Hi visitors and Feeling Good website members,

When I was on a bus back to Amherst College after a long weekend break in the early 1960s, I scribbled out a poem for a creative writing class, since an assignment was due the next morning. However, I had the flu and a fever while writing the poem, so it was a bit incoherent, and I wasn’t even clear on what the poem was about, or what it meant.

Surprisingly, the teacher distributed the poem to the class for discussion, and the other students suggested that the poem was about Emily Dickinson, who had lived in Amherst in the mid-1800s. I greatly admired her work and used to visit her grave with a couple other Amherst students. One time, I knocked on the front door of the house where she had lived so long ago, and the owners let me in to look around.

Surprisingly, my poem was later published under the title, “Emily,” in a book of poems about Emily Dickinson by American poets. The book was entitled: Emily Dickinson—Letters from the World.

The book was inspired by one of Emily Dickinson’s famous poems, which begins:

This is my letter to the World,

That never wrote to Me

Now we have a touching letter from the world for our beloved Marilyn Coffee, PhD, who inspired so many of you with her courageous live personal work on several Feeling Good Podcasts during 2017. I hope you enjoy this wonderful note!

David

Here’s the letter:

Dear Marilyn,

My name is Kent. I listened to the podcast the other week where you and Dr. Burns did TEAM therapy. First, I want to thank you so much for being willing to do the podcast.

At one point in the process, you said that you hoped that by doing the therapy in a public way, people who were struggling with depression / grief / anger etc. could be helped. You have helped me so much, and now I feel so blessed to have your session as a resource for anyone who is isolated, afraid, angry and feeling alone.

While listening to your session, I kept thinking about a friend of mine who committed suicide this last year. Now I know that he was completely clobbered by distortions. Also, he grew up in a very religious family and a great deal of his guilt came from theological distortions. He would have been so helped, I see that now.

I have struggled with faith all my life. In this last year, I have struggled with terrible insomnia and so much guilt and anger. I went to seminary for eight years; this only added to my feelings that I “should” be closer to God, more selfless, holy, etc. If I was a truly spiritual person, I wouldn’t be struggling with doubt, anger or fear.

It’s a long story, but so much in my life fell apart a year ago that my body just couldn’t take my attempts at keeping everything all together. I never fought the ideas in my head, why would you fight the truth?

Because of you, I am starting to see distortions for what they are, lies that look and feel so real. I looked up a picture of you and David Burns last night to get the correct spelling of your name. I just wanted you to know that you are etched in my mind now as a spiritual warrior.

Your willingness to openly share your dark night with us helps us see what true spirituality looks like. Your honesty and vulnerability help to demolish the commonly held belief that truly spiritual people do not suffer. But you guys also showed us that in the end, pain and suffering is not all there is and that it will not have the last word.

Maybe it’s not ironic that I’m writing this the Saturday morning after Good Friday. When I struggle now, I not only have your honesty and bravery in my memory, I can listen to the recording to be reminded how to fight distortions and not get sucked in the undertow!

You are in my heart, thoughts and prayers and I am forever grateful.

With much respect,

Kent

Catch the David and Jill Show on OCD, part 2, today, April 1, 2018 at 3 PM

On today’s live FB broadcast, I will be joined by Dr. Jill Levitt and Mike Christensen for our part two discussion on the treatment of OCD.  You can catch it live at 3 PM, West Coast Time, or anytime later on. The recording will be available on the website indefinitely.

Jill & David

Next week, special guest Stephen Pfleiderer will join me at 3 PM to discuss new approaches to the treatment of addictions, especially drug and alcohol abuse. You can see Stephen below on one of my Sunday hikes.

IMG_1199

David

How to Find My FB Broadcasts

Click on my Facebook tab on https://feelinggood.com/ if you’d like to watch me each week on my Live Facebook broadcast each Sunday afternoon around 3 p.m. PST. Make sure to “like” my Public Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/DavidBurnsMD/ so you can watch it on my page or yours.

 

Join me as I answer mental health questions from viewers — therapists and non-therapists alike — from all over the world. Type your question in the Facebook feed and I’ll do my best to answer it.

If you miss the broadcast you can watch the saved videos on my Facebook page! Also, viewers can watch these Live Facebook broadcasts as well as other interesting TEAM-CBT videos on the Feeling Good Institute’s YouTube channel!

The David and Fabrice Feeling Good Podcasts

Fabrice and I hope you also enjoy our Feeling Good Podcasts, and also hope you can leave some positive comments for us and some five star ratings if you like what we’re doing! We are now enjoying  more 45,000 downloads per month from listeners like you. Thank you so much for your support of our podcasts! Please keep spreading the word to friends who might be interested!

Subscribe

At least one listener has had problems leaving an iTunes review from his i-phone, so Fabrice has created some simple to follow instructions if you need help.

 

080: Ask David: Where Do Negative Thoughts Come From?

080: Ask David: Where Do Negative Thoughts Come From?

“I’m a loser. . . I’m a failure. . . Where do my negative thoughts come from? “

In this podcast, David and Fabrice answer several fascinating questions submitted by listeners:

  1. Jackie asks where our distorted thoughts come from, since they are so often irrational and distorted, and inconsistent with the facts. Why do we sometimes beat up on ourselves relentlessly with negative thoughts?
  2. Tyler asks if it possible to do TEAM-CBT in conventional, 45 minute sessions. And if so, how? It seems my patients are just warming up by the end of the session, and then we have to start all over again the next week.
  3. Jess asks if it is possible to use the Five Secrets of Effective Communication in non-therapy settings. For example, if you are in a position of authority, like a high school teacher, will your students lose respect for you if you use the Five Secrets? Could you use the Five Secrets if you are working with violent gang members?

Two Cool Upcoming Workshops for you!

March 22 and 23, 2018 Rapid Recovery from Trauma, (David D. Burns, MD) J&K Seminars, Lancaster, Pa 15 CE credits, includes live evening demonstration on the evening of day 1.
You can join in person or online from wherever you live! 

May 20th, 2018  Advanced, High-Speed CBT for the Treatment of Depression and Anxiety A one day workshop by Drs. David Burns and Jill Levitt. 6 CE Credits, $135
You can join in person or online from wherever you live!

Fabrice and I hope you like our Feeling Good Podcasts, and also hope you can leave some positive comments for us and five star ratings if you like what we’re doing!

Subscribe

At least one listener has had problems leaving an iTunes review from his i-phone, so Fabrice has created some simple to follow instructions if you need help.

 

 

More Praise for the Feeling Good Podcasts

More Praise for the Feeling Good Podcasts

Hi visitors and Feeling Good website members,

I got another fantastic email from a Feeling Good Podcast fan, and deeply appreciate the kinds words! I hope you enjoy reading it! Also, the recent podcast, Live Therapy with Daisy, has had an unprecedented number of positive responses from listeners. It’s really moving, in case you haven’t yet listened.

If you have never listened to the Feeling Good Podcasts with my wonderful host and colleague, Dr. Fabrice Nye, you can link to them right here on my website, and if you sign up in the upper right hand corner of this page, you’ll receive an email notice every time I publish a new blog.

David

Dear Dr. Burns,

Yes!

Thank you both for the pod cast!

Who came up with the idea? It is an amazing contribution to folks like me!!

Each episode is incredibly enriching. You both have a wonderful way of collaborating and explain the TEAM model so clearly.

I love the way you each respect one another and deeply admire the fact that you preach the importance of the death of the ego.

This approach is unfortunately so rare in our field.

Please please keep them coming!

Joshua

Thanks, Yael, for your encouraging words, and for permission to share them here!

Catch the David and Jill Show on OCD this Sunday!

My live FB broadcasts have been moved to 3 PM Pacific (California) Time every Sunday afternoon and are now called “The David and Jill Show,” since I am joined most Sundays by my incredibly colleague, Jill Levitt, PhD. I hope you can join us! The show is for therapists and the general public alike. If you cannot join us live, you can download the shows and listen any time that’s convenient for you!

last Sunday’s show (David and Jill Show #3) on Intimacy Training has been the most successful to date, with nearly 2,000 listeners in the first week alone. You can catch it any time on my public facebook page.

Feel free to submit questions you’d like Jill and me to cover in these shows. Your questions drive the discussion each Sunday afternoon! This coming Sunday, March 18, we will address questions about and treatment of Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD).

David

How to Find My FB Broadcasts

Click on my Facebook tab on https://feelinggood.com/ if you’d like to watch me each week on my Live Facebook broadcast each Sunday afternoon around 3 p.m. PST. Make sure to “like” my Public Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/DavidBurnsMD/ so you can watch it on my page or yours.

Join me as I answer mental health questions from viewers — therapists and non-therapists alike — from all over the world. Type your question in the Facebook feed and I’ll do my best to answer it.

If you miss the broadcast you can watch the saved videos on my Facebook page! Also, viewers can watch these Live Facebook broadcasts as well as other interesting TEAM-CBT videos on the Feeling Good Institute’s YouTube channel!

The David and Fabrice Feeling Good Podcasts

Fabrice and I hope you also enjoy our Feeling Good Podcasts, and also hope you can leave some positive comments for us and some five star ratings if you like what we’re doing! We are already enjoying 25,000 downloads per month from listeners like you. Thank you so much for your support of our podcasts!

Subscribe

At least one listener has had problems leaving an iTunes review from his i-phone, so Fabrice has created some simple to follow instructions if you need help.

 

078: Five Simple Ways to Boost Your Happiness–#5: You Can CHANGE the Way You FEEL!

Building Self-Esteem and Overcoming Toxic Shame–as well as feelings of depression, anxiety, inferiority, hopelessness, and anger!

Let’s face it–nearly all of us fall into the black hole of depression, anxiety, shame, and self-doubt at times. Then it’s time to ask yourself what you’re telling yourself, write down your negative thoughts, identify the distortions in them, and substitute thoughts that are more positive and realistic. Sound too easy? The results can be mind-blowing!

David and Fabrice discuss a therapy session with a woman who had been hiding something about herself for nearly ten years due to feelings of shame. When she receives a phone call from someone in her church, her feelings of anxiety and shame hit the ceiling. Learn how she overcomes her feelings of angst and self-doubt using TEAM-CBT.

David hopes to make the actual video of this dramatic therapy session available soon right here at www.feelinggood.com in his new Feeling Good Store! (still under development at the time of this write-up.)

While listening, you can download pdfs about each of seven steps to help you break out of bad moods and boost your self-esteem:

Step 1. Identify the Upsetting Event

If you click on Melanie’s Daily Mood Log you will see that the Upsetting Event was something seemingly innocuous.

Step 2. Rate Your Negative Feelings

If you click on Melanie’s Daily Mood Log again, you will see how she circled her feelings and rate each type of a feeling on a scale from 0% to 100%. You will see that her negative feelings were actually incredibly intense.

Daily Mood Log with feelings circled and rated

Step 3. Record Your Negative Thoughts

Cognitive therapists, going all the way back to the Greek Stoic philosopher, Epictetus nearly 2,000 years ago, say that we are upset, not by things, or events, but by our thoughts about them. If you click on Melanie’s Daily Mood Log with Negative Thoughts yet again, you will see what she was telling herself about the phone call from the member of her church.

Step 4. Positive Reframing

This is one of the many powerful new features of TEAM-CBT. Before trying to change the way you think and feel, focus on your negative thoughts and feelings one at a time and ask yourself two questions:

  1. What are some benefits, or advantages, of this negative thought or feelings?
  2. What does this negative thought or feeling show about me and my core values that’s positive and awesome?

Briefly stop the recording and review Melanie’s Daily Mood Log. Then see how many positives you can list. For example, what does Melanie’s shame show about her that is awesome and positive? And what are some really beautiful things about her sadness and depression? What are some potential benefits of her anxiety?

Step 5. Identify the Distortions

After the Paradoxical Agenda Setting (in this case, Positive Reframing), I asked Melanie what Negative Thought she wanted to work on first. She selected the second negative thought, “She’ll tell other people who will judge me.” See how many distortions you can find in this thought, using the list of ten distortions on her Daily Mood Log.

When you’re done, you can see how Melanie identified the distortions in this thought, using abbreviations, in the Distortion column of her Daily Mood Log. However, on the podcast, David identified one additional distortion he had overlooked during the live session with Melanie. Can you figure out which one it is?

Step 6. Challenge the Negative Thought

There are more 50 techniques that you can use to challenge a Negative Thought. After listing roughly 17 promising methods during the session, Melanie decided that she wanted to start out with a gentle method called the Paradoxical Double Standard Technique. If you click on Melanie’s Daily Mood Log  again, you can see the Positive Thoughts Melanie came up with to challenge the Negative Thought, “She’ll tell other people who will judge me.” You will also see how strongly she believed them. Remember that the Necessary Condition for Emotional Change is that the Positive Thoughts all have to be 100% true. Rationalizations and half-truths will rarely, if ever, give anyone genuine relief or mood elevation.

Now the question is this: Did the Positive Thoughts reduce Melanie’s belief in the Negative Thought? Remember the Sufficient Condition for emotional change: the Positive Thoughts must drastically reduce the belief in the Negative Thoughts. That’s the whole goal, in fact, of cognitive therapy. Remember, when you change the way you THINK you can change the way you FEEL!

If you click on Melanie’s Daily Mood Log again, you’ll see that her belief in the Negative Thought was, in fact reduced. Sometimes, you will want to reduce your belief in a Negative Thought all the way to zero. But in this case, 35% was sufficient, since some people may, in fact, judge Melanie, although most people probably will not.

Step 7. Outcome: Re-rate Your Negative Feelings

Once you’ve clobbered one negative thoughts, it’s generally much easier to knock the rest of your Negative Thoughts out of the park. This was the case with Melanie. If you review her final Daily Mood Log, you can see how she challenged the rest of her Negative Thoughts and the incredible impact this had on her feelings.

Coming Soon!

Next week we will have something very special and very precious for you–

Podcast 079: What’s the Secret of a “Meaningful” Life? Live Therapy with Daisy

This will be a dramatic and inspiring podcast that Fabrice and I feel very grateful to be able to share with you. The podcast will be based on an actual therapy session with a young woman who is struggling with depression, anxiety, and self-doubt because of fertility issues, due to strong. societal messages that women should have children and should want children. This will be a unique opportunity to go behind closed doors to see TEAM-CBT live and real with someone like yourself who is struggling with intense negative thoughts and feelings.

The live therapy sessions we have published previously–with Mark, who felt like a failure as a father, and with Marilyn, who was confronted by a sudden and totally unexpected horrific diagnosis of Stage 4 lung cancer–received tremendously positive feedback from all of you. Now we are proud to present yet another live therapy session next week! So mark your calendars!

Two Cool Upcoming Workshops for you!

May 20th, 2018  Advanced, High-Speed CBT for the Treatment of Depression and Anxiety A one day workshop by Drs. David Burns and Jill Levitt. 6 CE Credits, $135
You can join in person or online from wherever you live!

March 22 and 23, 2018 Rapid Recovery from Trauma, (David D. Burns, MD) J&K Seminars, Lancaster, Pa 15 CE credits, includes live evening demonstration on the evening of day 1.
You can join in person or online from wherever you live! 

Additional Resources for the General Public (all available at Amazon.com, as well as other booksellers)

  • Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy
  • The Feeling Good Handbook
  • Feeling Good Together
  • When Panic Attacks

General public and mental health professionals might enjoy the recent article about David in Stanford Magazine authored by Robert Strauss entitled “Mind Over Misery.”

Additional Resources for Mental Health Professionals

David’s TEAM-CBT Psychotherapy ebook: Tools, Not Schools, of Therapy

David’s Tuesday evening TEAM-CBT meets at the Behavioral Sciences Building, 401 Quarry Road, Room 2209 from 5:00 to 7:30 PM, and is free. It is open to all SF Bay Area mental health professionals as well as graduate students in any mental health field, including but not limited to Stanford graduate students. There are teachers include:

  • David Burns, MD
  • Helen Yeni-Komshian, MD
  • Jill Levitt, PhD
  • Daniele Levy, PhD

For information, requirements, and consent form, contact our Greeter, Sara Swedorski, saraswedorski@gmail.com.

Fabrice and I hope you like our Feeling Good Podcasts, and also hope you can leave some positive comments for us and five star ratings if you like what we’re doing!

Subscribe

At least one listener has had problems leaving an iTunes review from his i-phone, so Fabrice has created some simple to follow instructions if you need help.