My wife claims that I never listen! How can I possibly agree with her?
My wife left me! How can I correct the distortions in her criticisms?
How can you deal with people who constantly wallow in self-pity?
And more!
Hi podcast fans,
Today we’ve got some terrific Five Secrets questions that you have submitted.
Mike #1: I love your Five Secrets of Effective Communication. Why does secret #4, “I Feel” Statements, not include Thought Empathy?
Mike #2: I have seen communication models that include expressing and listening for needs. Aren’t needs and wants important and important to express?
Al: How can I help my wife recognize her many cognitive distortions, like All-or-Nothing Thinking? It seems hopeless!
Guy: If a loved one says, “You never listen,” how could I possibly find the truth in this statement? How could you genuinely agree with an All-or-Nothing statement such as, “You never ….”?
Both Sonja and Eileen asked: How can you deal with someone who constantly wallows in self-pity and plays the role of victim. It’s exhausting!
Thanks for tuning in, and keep the great questions coming!
David and Rhonda
You can reach Dr. Burns at david@feelinggood.com. Dr. Rhonda Barovsky practices in Walnut Creek, California, and can be reached at rbarovsky@aol.com.
If you like our jingle music and would like to support the composer Brett Van Donsel, you may download it here.
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There will be three awesome intensives for you this summer and fall!
In today’s show, Fabrice and David focus on this question: How can you get rid of Self-Defeating Beliefs?
Although any of the 100 + TEAM-CBT methods can be used to modify an SDB, four methods will be highlighted in today’s show.
Cost-Benefit Analysis
Semantic Method
Experimental Technique
Feared Fantasy
For more information on how to change SDBs, you might want to watch the extremely popular David and Jill FB Live show on Overcoming Perfectionism (recorded on November 11, 2018).
What research has been done on SDBs?
This topic was not discussed in the show, but individuals with an interest in research might want to read David’s study with Dr. Jackie Persons on the causal connections between depression and SDBs about dependency (attachment) as well as achievement (perfectionism) in several hundred patients in Philadelphia during the first 12 weeks of their treatment at David’s clinic.
The study confirmed That both types of SBS were significantly correlated with depression severity at intake and at the 12-week evaluation. In addition, changes in depression were correlated with changes in SDBs. However, a sophisticated statistical analysis with structural equation modeling techniques did not confirm that SDBs had causal effects on depression, or that depression had causal effects on SDBs. Instead, SDBs and feelings of depression appeared to share an unknown common cause.
Persons, J. B., Burns, D. D., Perloff, J. M., & Miranda, J. (1993). Relationships between symptoms of depression and anxiety and dysfunctional beliefs about achievement and attachment. Journal of Abnormal Psychology, 101(4): 518 – 524.
Dr. Fabrice Nye currently practices in Redwood City, California and also works with individuals throughout the world via teletherapy (although not across U.S. state lines). You can reach him at fabrice@life.net. You can reach Dr. Burns at david@feelinggood.com. If you like our jingle music and would like to support the composer Brett Van Donsel, you may download it here.
The shows today and next Monday will focus on Self-Defeating Beliefs. These shows were triggered by two excellent questions from listeners.
Rajesh asked:
Is it possible to change an SDB?
Does the mere knowledge of an SDB change it?
How long does it take to change an SDB?
How do you change SDBs?
Nikola asked:
Aaron Beck said the SDBs never really go away. They just get activated and deactivated and activated again. Does this mean that depression is an incurable disease that will keep coming back over and over again?
What’s the point in battling against a core belief if it cannot be changed?
Fabrice and I appreciate your questions–they often give us ideas for shows! In today’s Podcast you’ll learn the answers to several questions about Self-Defeating Beliefs.
What’s the difference between Self-Defeating Beliefs (SDBs) vs. Cognitive Distortions?
The thoughts that contain cognitive distortions, such as All-or-Nothing Thinking, Overgeneralization, Discounting the Positive, and Self-Blame are distortions of reality, they are the cons that trigger depression and anxiety. When you’re upset, these thoughts will flood your mind. These thoughts can be show to be false, and when you crush a distorted negative thought, you’ll immediately feel better.
Self-Defeating Beliefs are stipulations, values that you’ve set up for your self. For example, you may base your self-esteem on your accomplishments due to your belief that people who accomplish more are more worthwhile as human beings. SDBs like this cannot actually be shown to be false–they are simply your personal, subjective values, and they are thought to be with you all the time, and not just when you’re depressed, anxious, or angry.
The question with an SDB is this: What are the advantages and disadvantages of having this value system? How will it help me–what are the benefits–and how might it hurt me? What’s the downside?
Why are Self-Defeating Beliefs thought to be important?
When you challenge and defeat a distorted thought, you feel better in the here-and-now. When you challenge and change an SDB, you change your value system at a deep level. This is thought to make you less vulnerable to painful mood swings and relationship conflicts in the future.
What are the different kinds of SDBs?
David’s list of 23 Common SDBs is attached. This list is not comprehensive, as there are many more, but the ones on the list are very common. There are several categories of SDBs.
Individual SDBs are often “Self-Esteem Equations”
Perfectionism
Perceived Perfectionism
Achievement Addiction
Approval Addiction
Love Addiction
Interpersonal SDBs are expectations of what will happen in certain kinds of relationships, or relationships in general
What’s your understanding of the other person’s role in your relationship? What adjectives describe him or her?
What’s your understanding of your person’s role in the relationship? What adjectives describe you?
How would that kind of relationship feel?
What rules connect the two roles?
Other kinds of SDBs
Anger / conflict cluster
Entitlement
Truth
Blame
Anxiety cluster
Niceness
Conflict Phobia
Anger Phobia
Emotophobia
Submissiveness
Spotlight Fallacy
Brushfire Fallacy
How can you identify your own, or a patient’s, Self-Defeating Beliefs?
Look at the list of 23 individual SDBs (easiest). You might want to do that right now. Review the list, and you’ll probably find many of your own beliefs!
Individual Downward Arrow
Interpersonal Downward Arrow
Next week, Fabrice and David will show you how to modify an SDB.
Dr. Fabrice Nye currently practices in Redwood City, California and also works with individuals throughout the world via teletherapy (although not across U.S. state lines). You can reach him at fabrice@life.net. You can reach Dr. Burns at david@feelinggood.com. If you like our jingle music and would like to support the composer Brett Van Donsel, you may download it here.
“I’ve heard Dr. Burns mention that he is most proud of a few of the techniques he’s developed, and he mentioned that the Disarming Technique would be near the top of the list. I believe he said there were three or five of them. I was wondering what the others were. Does he have a top 5?”
Thank you, Tanuj. I got to thinking and actually came up with 10. Fabrice and I will briefly discuss each one on today’s podcast. So here they are!
The list of Ten Cognitive Distortions that I created for my first book, Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy. This list has been reproduced enormous numbers of times in the media and has been translated into more than 30 languages.
The Disarming Technique and Law of Opposites. This means that you can nearly always put the lie to a criticism by finding the truth in it. However, this can be difficult because it requires the death of the ego, or self, the so-called “Great Death” that the Buddhists have emphasized as a key to enlightenment. This method has transformed my clinical practice and personal life and has been very helpful to many of my patients as well. However, it is not easy to learn, in part because it does involve the death of the “self.”
The Externalization of Voices plus Acceptance Paradox. This was one of the first cognitive therapy techniques I developed, and I have used it more than any other technique during my career. It’s totally mind-blowing.
The two classic Uncovering Techniques: the Individual and Interpersonal Downward Arrow. You can use these techniques to quickly pinpoint the Self-Defeating Beliefs that trigger painful mood swings, such as Perfectionism, Perceived Perfectionism, the Love Addiction, and Brushfire Fallacy, and more.
The Feared Fantasy and Acceptance Paradox. This is a powerful and innovative exposure technique that can help people overcome the fear of being judged or rejected. It can also help people modify Self-Defeating Beliefs like Perfectionism and the Achievement Addiction, and the Approval Addiction.
The Experimental Technique for extremely rapid treatment of patients with Panic Attacks. With this technique, you can sometimes—often—cure Panic Disorder in a single session. But this requires great courage on the part of the therapist and patient, and a great therapeutic alliance with lots of trust.
My published research with colleagues in the mid-1970s did not support the popular notion that depression results from a chemical imbalance in the brain. In other words, we found that depression probably does NOT result from a deficient of the neurotransmitter, serotonin. Although we published this research in the top psychiatric journal, it was largely ignored for 25 years because people were so hooked on the “chemical imbalance” theory of depression. Now the study has been quoted frequently, and most neuro-scientists no longer give that theory a great deal of credibility.
Brief Mood Survey. I believe I was the first, or one of the first, therapists in the world to require testing of every patient at every treatment session. I started with the Beck Depression Inventory, but have since developed briefer and more accurate scales that patients can complete in the waiting room before and after every sessions. These scales indicate the severity of symptoms such as depression, anxiety, anger, suicidal urges, positive feelings, and relationship satisfaction or conflict. Patients also rate therapist empathy and helpfulness after each session. This simple procedure has revolutionized treatment, because therapists can now see, for the first time, how effective, or ineffective, they are in every single therapy session. The testing has also made data-driven, science-based psychotherapy possible. However, it requires courage on the part of the therapist because the information will often be surprising to the therapist, and disturbing!
Positive Reframing, and all of the new, paradoxical Agenda Setting techniques have made super-high-speed TEAM-CBT treatment methods possible. I now see recovery at speeds I would have thought impossible 20 years ago.
The use of extended, two-hour therapy sessions rather than weekly 50-minute sessions has also been huge. That’s because I often see a complete elimination of symptoms of depression and anxiety in a single extended session of TEAM-CBT, as opposed to months or even years of conventional treatment. Many of my students are reporting similar results. This, I think, is truly revolutionary!
Well, that’s it. That’s what I’m the most proud of! I suppose I could also include my first book, Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy, which has sold more than 5 million copies worldwide, and has helped many people recover, as well as the development of TEAM-CBT.
Thank you again for your question, and please accept my apology if I am bragging too much, which can be really offensive. However, my mother once said, “If you don’t toot your own horn, no one else is going to toot it for you,” so hopefully the podcast and write-up will be okay.
David
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Coming Soon!
October / November / December 2018– Cool Workshops for You!
Learn how to reduce patient resistance and boost motivation to change. Master skills that will enhance communication skills and increase intimacy with loved ones. This workshop will be highly interactive with many case examples and opportunities for practice using role plays.
Join us for a day of fun and inspiring learning on site in Palo Alto
OR online from anywhere in the world.
November 29 and 30, 2018–San Francisco, CA (in person only)
and
December 3 and 4, Portland, Oregon (in person and live streaming)
PESI is proud to offer an exciting workshop by David Burns, M.D., a pioneer in the development of cognitive behavior therapy (CBT). Achieve rapid and lasting recovery with all your anxious clients, just as Dr. Burns has done in over 35,000 therapy sessions with severely troubled clients. Become skilled at treating every type of anxiety without drugs.
In this unique 2-day certificate course you’ll master more than 20 treatment techniques to help your clients eliminate the symptoms of anxiety quickly – even your most challenging, resistant clients.
Dr. Burns will illustrate concrete strategies that provide rapid, complete recovery and lasting change for your patients. You’ll learn…
How to integrate four powerful treatment models to eliminate symptoms.
How to enhance your client’s engagement in therapy.
How to develop a treatment plan that specifically targets each client’s unique problems and needs.
…and so much more!
David will provide you with guided instruction and share powerful video sessions that capture the actual moment of recovery. You will take away practical strategies to use immediately with any anxious client. Leave this certificate course armed with tools you can use in your very next session!
Don’t miss this opportunity to learn from one of America’s most highly acclaimed psychiatrists and teachers!
How do you deal with intrusive thoughts about bullying or a cruel ex-lover?
How do you treat cyclothymic patients?
Where do distortions come from? And more . . .
Today we answer six questions submitted by listeners like you:
Harald: How can I find the Show Notes for the Feeling Good Podcasts?
Kristin: How do you help patients who obsess about past traumatic events, with intrusive thoughts about a cruel ex-lover or bullying by classmates? These thoughts can feed into the idea that their life is miserable and they can’t move forward because they feel blocked by these harmful memories.
Valentina: How are cognitive distortions, self-defeating beliefs, and feelings of depression transmitted? What you describe in your books seems to describe my mother’s behaviors when I was growing up? Could it be that depression is transmitted by the family?
Alicia: How would you treat someone with cyclothymic disorder who cycles between euphoria and suicidal depression? He’s happy now, so how do I get him to fill out the Daily Mood Log?
Kathy: I’m a big fan, and I have a question about “bibliotherapy.” What’s the best way to use your books and other materials to help yourself?
Matthew: Do you ever use drugs in the treatment of depression? Are medications sometimes necessary or helpful?
3. The Annual South San Francisco Intensive
August 10 – 13, 2020
Small Group Practice with Personal Feedback and Mentoring, and Chances for Personal Work and Healing
